4th Chemo

September 17, 2014 at 4:19 pm (Breast Cancer, Christianity, Faith)

I am sitting here at my cancer center getting my 4th round of chemo and I am so excited that after today, I will only have 2 more left! I will still have to go in to get 1 infusion for a year but it’s not like chemo and without most of the side effects. The most difficult side effect I have now is that not only is my vision blurred, my depth perception is way off. I’ve only been able to drive for very short distances because I feel like everyone is gonna crash into me! I feel like I’m looking through a tunnel and I think this is why I’ve been having a lot more headaches and migraines.

Yesterday I had an endoscopy (all results are good!) and I keep thinking about a conversation I had yesterday with one of the nurses. We were talking about my breast cancer and I told her that I wouldn’t be able to handle it without my relationship with the Lord. She told me she was a woman of faith as well and prayed often especially on tough days. I was trying to explain to her the sovereignty of God, even in tough situations. I told her that my only job while I’m here on earth is to draw people to Christ and glorify Him and anything above that is icing on the cake. God did not put us here to live nice, comfy, trouble free lives and tells us clearly in the Bible in John 16:33 (and other places) that we will have many trials and sorrows but we don’t have to worry because He has overcome the world. He doesn’t want to see His children suffering but because we are fallen and this world is fallen, we will have them. He also uses our suffering to draw us to Him and I can say with all honesty that when I’m in a tough season, I am way more dependent on God.

I’ve been reading Unstoppable by Christine Caine and the tag line is, running the race you were born to win. It’s really helping me immensely and challenging me as well. Just because I have cancer doesn’t mean I don’t have a race to run and I know without a doubt that God’s plan will prevail.

I was listening to Kari Jobi this morning and this song really spoke to my heart. Take a listen and I guarantee your heart will be moved as well. The words are below and are awesome even without the song, but listen to it anyway!

I Am Not Alone

When I walk through deep waters
I know that You will be with me
When I’m standing in the fire
I will not be overcome
Through the valley of the shadow
I will not fear

I am not alone
I am not alone
You will go before me
You will never leave me

In the midst of deep sorrow
I see Your light is breaking through
The dark of night will not overtake me
I am pressing into You
Lord, You fight my every battle
And I will not fear

You amaze me
Redeem me
You call me as Your own

You’re my strength
You’re my defender
You’re my refuge in the storm
Through these trials
You’ve always been faithful
You bring healing to my soul