3 days post first chemo

February 17, 2017 at 4:48 pm (Breast Cancer, Faith, My ramblings)

k1Amazingly enough, the last 3 days since chemo haven’t been as bad as I thought it was going to be. Oh, don’t get me wrong, there’s plenty of other things that I’d rather have been doing but compared to my first round of chemo 2 1/2 years ago, this was much easier. I think there are a few more side effects that are yet to come but nothing I can’t handle (I hope). The first night I had a horrible migraine and I had forgotten how miserable they were. I was pretty nauseous most of the day and didn’t make the best food and drink decisions, like trying to drink coffee on an empty stomach. Imagine my utter shock when my beloved brown nectar from the Gods betrayed me.  Inconceivable!

I spent most of the last two days resting and napping and snuggling with Kiku. I think she knows the cancer is back because she won’t let me out of her sight. It’s a little adorable and yet obnoxious at the same time. Ken found a company online and made her my official ESA (emotional support animal) and she’ll get her little vest in the mail soon. There are many companies that offer it. just google it. Once I get a letter from my doctor, she’ll be able to fly free with me.

So, now that the niceties are out of the way, how am I doing? I am beyond overwhelmed. It’s like someone flicked a little switch in my head and I can barely form a thought or carry on a conversation. I’m numb. I’m scared. I’m confused. I don’t know how I’m supposed to feel or act or what I’m supposed to say so I can’t really say anything. I still have so many questions for my oncologist and I have to do lots of research. I haven’t been posting as much or openly as I’d like, not to be deceitful but I still don’t have all the facts and I haven’t been able to speak with each person in my family yet. I could really use your prayers as I talk to each one and help them to not live in fear and to understand that God is just and faithful and has a perfect plan for my life. My life is in His hands and I don’t doubt for a minute that He has my best.

Thank you so much for your texts, phone calls, cards, emails and yes, more Shari’s Berries (thanks Julie). I am so grateful for each and every one of you and grateful that you’re in my life. I’ve had several people ask for practical ways to help me and the best way to bless me right now is to pray for me and my family. I’m also asking that you continue to give me space and time as I process this next season with my family. I’m just not ready to have visitors or talk yet and I don’t have much information other than my current treatment plan. As I get more information, I’ll share it. Another way to help would be to email me instead of texting or fb im texts so I have a record of it to keep and also so my phone doesn’t constantly ring. I love knowing I have so many people who care about me and each time my phone goes off, it’s a reminder of your love but it can be very overwhelming. My email address is rachelbowers9560@gmail.com.

One last thing I have to share and my intention is not to embarrass or shame anyone but I am kindly asking you to refrain from sharing with me your wisdom, or doctor, or magic jelly beans or eye of newt juice or whatever you may think might heal me. I’ve read the Truth about Cancer, I know Kris Carr, I’ve researched many healing modalities and I absolutely believe in spontaneous healing and that certain things heal certain people. I am overwhelmed and do not have the energy to discuss/argue why your treatment plan or product will work for me. I know it sounds kind of humorous but it’s really not. There is no cure for cancer or it would not exist. Please respect my decision to fully trust my oncologist and integrative doctors who are working diligently to treat me to have the best possible outcome.

I know the ultimate Healer and believe me, I’ve asked Him to heal me and I’ll continue to. I’m choosing to rejoice in all things and at all times. Rejoice in the Lord always and again I say rejoice.

 

 

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4 Comments

  1. janet148 said,

    Sending you my love and prayers. PLEASE let us know of any way we can bless you beyond prayer. 🙏 I’ve hesitated to call you and will always go through Kenny first. Thankful for sweet Kiku. Can’t wait to see her in her jacket. 😘 Love, Janet

    Sent from my iPhone

    >

  2. Jane A. said,

    You got it, dear sister. Prayers, prayers and more prayers. Kiku will be the top banana!

  3. Wendy said,

    Your transparency is beautiful, and your choice to rejoice amazing and inspiring. Praying for you night and day, and for Ken!!

  4. Jamee said,

    Hi there! What can I say except I am sorry you have to go through this! I am so glad for your faith in Christ! Whatever would we do without that!!!! I know we only know each other through Facebook posts but your posts always struck a cord for me (BII) and please know I am praying for you, and your entire family. Thank you for sharing your blog. I have had you tucked away in my heart and prayers for some time and will be sure to keep you right there. Much love and friendship from afar. I wish I were there to hug you but somehow I get the feeling you have gots lots of folks surrounding you with the love of Christ! Just know someone in Burlingame California cares about you. Xoxo

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