Out of the mouth of babes
Finally, a vacation. I am so excited because we are going to the beach soon and I can’t wait to feel the sand between my toes and the sun on my face. I came down with family and my nieces and nephews are so excited. Last night they were so wound up they couldn’t fall asleep, which of course kept me up! I doubt I will get to take a nap on the beach as the kids already have the whole planned on what I am doing and when I am doing it! Bossy little things.
It was a long day of driving yesterday and when we finally arrived to the beach, I was singing and praising God and my 7 year old niece asked me what I was singing. I was listening to Casting Crowns when we pulled in so I was singing that song the woman singer sings. I think it’s called “I know you’re there.” It goes, “I know you’re there, I know you hear me, you are the air I breathe, you are wind beneath me.” I think that’s how it goes, anyways, that’s how I was singing it. My niece said you are singing about Jesus right? I was like woah, yeah I am. She then told me that when you breathe in Jesus, it goes into your heart and makes you feel really good. I was blown away, she is 7 and just finished vacation Bible school so I guess her little spirit is feeling sensitive to the Lord. It was the coolest thing.
Why me Lord?
There are days when I am totally astounded at the things the Lord is doing in my life. Just when I think life can’t get any better, it does! I received an incredible blessing yesterday and as I was thanking God, I kept asking Him, over and over, why me Lord? My life so full of joy and peace when there are so many others who are hurting so badly. I can’t help but be awed by it. Several years ago a friend told me that God has His hand on me and has shown me favor and at that time, I didn’t really get it. I know He has His hand on all of us but I really feel it. I am beginning to understand the truth in that statement. And just so you know, that certainly doesn’t mean my life is easy, perfect or without trials. It means knowing the Lord is there with me every step of the way and with every breath I take and that He has absolute control of my life. There is a comfort and security in knowing that He is sovereign and that all the days of my life have been ordained from the beginning of time. In Jeremiah 1, it says before I formed you, I knew you. The Hebrew word that is used for “knew” is an intimate knowing. Can you imagine? The Creator of the universe knowing us intimately? To know that He spent time forming us and giving us each certain gifts and characteristics and our personalities. I know that some of that comes from our experiences and upbringing but I like to think He gave me my wacky sense of humor!
I am so excited to be going on vacation tomorrow. I haven’t had one in about 5 years and I need it desperately. I was going to go back to Africa in on a mission trip and I really felt like God did not want me to go. I argued for about 4 months with Him, which doesn’t even make sense since He always wins! I sought wisdom from several people because I really, really wanted to go and I had so many people tell me not to. I am very thankful now because although I am a missions junkie, you can’t give what you ain’t got. I am tired. I need to be rejuvenated and I am so looking forward to some time at the beach with my brother, sister in law and their 4 kids. I know you must be thinking how can you rest with 4 kids!! I can because I am the Auntie and all I have to do is play. I am so grateful for them and that I see them all the time because they bring incredible joy to my life.
So I will be out of the blogosphere for a week or so. I am sure I will have lots to blog about when I get back and lots of pictures to post.
God is Sovereign
Today was an incredible day because I woke up loved, forgiven and adored by my Creator. Even when I am an idiot, God loves me. I went to the dentist today and after the dentist filled in a few cavities, the assistant came in and was showing me the proper way to floss my teeth. (That should be an entire blog on its own!) Anyways, that was my 3rd trip to this dentist, who by the way, was my childhood dentist, and everytime I am there, I sense an immense sadness in this woman. I don’t get to talk to her too much because the dentist’s hands are usually in my mouth along with some other weird stuff that I am glad I can’t see! Anyways, everytime I pay and make my next appointment, she starts talking to me and I just want to get out of there and go home. Today was no different. I was hungry, tired, emotionally drained and I was going to hit rush hour traffic! So, after she teaches me how to floss, she breaks out a toothbrush and I am thinking to myself, “are you kidding me?” She touches the brush to my teeth and told me to avoid the gumline so I wouldn’t ruin my gums any more than I have already done. I told her that the problem was that I used to be a drug addict and an alcoholic so that’s what the problem was. She looked up at me with those sad eyes and said, “are you kidding me? You have your act together now, what happened?” I was so torn, half of me wanted to go home and the other half was telling me this girl needs hope. I had a copy of my testimony in the car, which was parked pretty far away and I really did not feel like walking out to get it for her. I rationalized that I would see her in a few weeks and I would bring it in then but the Lord would not relent. I feel ashamed to write that but all I wanted was some time for myself and to get home. After all, I earned it right??? Wrong! I immediately thought of Jesus trying to get alone and get some space and people still followed Him. He didn’t tell them to go home because He was tired and He needed a break. He was moved by compassion and out of love for people, He helped them.
Anyways, I told her that I had been sober for 7 years and she told me she had been sober for 21 years but was struggling with depression. I told her that I was not only sober, I was a Christian and because of that, I have a joy that comes only from knowing Christ. She had tears in her eyes and told me she didn’t know about the whole Christian thing so I shared some of my testimony with her. I told her how I used to struggle with depression, suicide and despair and the tears kept streaming down her face. This woman has no idea that she was created in the image of God and that He loves her so much. I was praying the whole time I was talking to her because sometimes I get so fired up and want to tell her everything about the Lord and the Bible but once again, God shut my mouth. I told her I had a CD of what God did in my life in the car for her and went out and got it. I gave it to her with my card and phone number and told her to call me after she listened to it. I have no idea if she will but I will pray like crazy for her. Her name is Donna so if you are reading this, please pray for her too.
I write this not out of condemnation for myself but out of a realization of my desperate need for God. Left to myself, I will think only of myself. To think that I would allow a 28 second walk interfere with Gods’ plan of salvation in this woman’s life is something I don’t want to repeat. On my way home, the song I blogged about the other day came on the radio and I knew that Donna needed to here it so I need to take it to her. I was listening to these words and I saw her as Christ sees her, hurting and feeling like she is alone, but she is not alone…and I am going to tell her.
You’re not alone
for I am here
let me wipe away your every fear
My love, I’ve never left your side
I have seen you through your darkest nights
Your darkest nights
And I’m the one that’s loved you all your life
All of your life
Coffee, what else!
Well today was a very heavy heart day and I was going to write about it but it is already past my bedtime and my brain is once again short circuiting. I wanted to end it on a positive note so I will talk about my second favorite ‘C’ in my famous 4C Creed that I live my life by. Oh, you don’t know about my famous 4C creed?? It’s what I can’t live without: Christ, coffee, chocolate and chapstick! So obviously coffee comes AFTER Christ.
You Might Be a Coffee Addict if… (and by the way, I can quit any time I want to!) * Starbucks has decided to use you as their official mascot.
* You’ve ever carried your coffee cup into the shower with you in the morning. (is this wrong???)
* You regard the fact that your hands are shaking as a good sign. (it’s how I get my exercise!)
* You go to sleep just to wake up and smell the coffee. (like I am getting ready to do)
* Your coffee pot is next to your bed and your alarm clock is in the kitchen. (hellooooo)
* You’ve ever used the airplane’s Call button just to get a coffee refill. (isn’t that what I’m supposed to do??)
* You can’t remember the last time you blinked.
* The dishes in your house are all coffee cups. (I do have 3 plates… and tupperware)
* You could live in a desert like a hermit, eating bugs for food, as long as you had enough coffee beans with you
Happiness….
Homework can kill you
Praise God I made it didn’t kill me yet but tonight was a close call. I made it through the first chapter of Systematic Theology! The joys of learning about the Cosmological, Teleological and Ontological Arguments for God’s existence. Interesting…NOT! It is but not after working all day, I thought my brain was going to explode. Why, I ask once again, do I need to know this??? I am so looking forward to chapter 2 which covers the supernatural preconditions of miracles. I did learn a few cool things about the universe that can only be explained by God, Creator of EVERYTHING! Unfortunately, the flash drive to my brain is not computing any more data and the memory is full. The only way I know to recharge it is to put my PJs on and go to bed.
The Majesty of God
This morning I was reading through one of my Bible studies, A Woman of Excellence and I came across something that I wanted to share. If you know me at all you would know that I absolutely love words. I love reading phrases and quotes. Anyways one of my favorite authors is AW Tozer and here is a quote from the book, “We must practive the art of long and loving meditation upon the majesty of God. This will take some effort, for the concept of majesty has all but disappeared from the human race.”
How sad but so true. In our society it is so easy to get and stay distracted. We are constantly on the go and if you are like me, you like to be entertained. Last night, after a very heavy rainstorm, I went outside to put the dogs away for the night and I saw the full moon. I live out in the country and it is so beautiful and peaceful and quiet. I was watching the clouds go by the moon and it was kind of eerie looking but so cool. The crickets and other insects were making little love noises to each other and the air had such an incredible smell. I know that must sound like I am nuts, but I think this is what AW Tozer was writing about. I was thanking God for His creativity and how He made everything so different and special. I can’t help but think of Psalm 19 when I am getting my Creation fix. Anyways, I walk up to the garage feeling all spiritual and close to God and as I opened up the door to let the dogs in, a big fat frog jumped over my feet! Talk about freaking out. I may have actually screamed because it caught me so off guard. The moment was gone. I was focused on keeping the dog from head butting the frog and off of me. Funny how things change in the wink of an eye.
You’re Not Alone
As I drove to church this morning, I was wondering if I would hear a message that would only be applicable to fathers and I was happy and encouraged that it was for everyone. Although the basis was for dads, I think that everything that was said can be applied to anyone’s life, single, married, children or no children. I have heard messages before on leaving a godly legacy for your children and it used to make me sad to think that I don’t have kids to raise to love and serve God. I can, however, still leave a godly legacy. For my brothers, my mom, my nieces and nephews and even my friends. I can still have an impact on the people I love and I hope and pray that years and years down the road, someone will bring up my name and talk about how God not only redeemed me but how he restored me as well. I hope the stories are stories of faith that I have shared with them and stories of how I really believed that if I asked God to move a mountain, He would do it. Either that or He would help me to climb over it or make is split right in two so I could walk right through it.
As I was driving home I was thinking about being alone today and this song came on the radio that I have never heard before. It was incredible and the words were so tender that I can almost hear God singing them over me as it says in Zephaniah 3:17, “The Lord your God is with you, He is mighty to save. He will take great delight in you, He will quiet you with His love, He will rejoice over you with singing.” To think the God of the universe delights in me enough to sing over me is utterly amazing. I found the song on You Tube and listened to it again and so I dedicate this song to all my friends without their daddies today.
Father’s Day
It never fails. Every year around Father’s Day there is a deep sadness I feel in my heart. Words can’t really describe it and although I am grateful that I have a new Father now, it still hurts. Growing up with 3 different dads you would think that at least one of them would have seen me as a little princess but for reasons only known to God, it didn’t happen. Looking back on my life, I can definitely see the areas of my life that were deeply affected by a lack of a father’s love and my life before Christ certainly proved what psychologists have been saying since the beginning of time, little girls need their daddies. If they are not loved by their fathers they will seek that love as they grow up. They will have a daddy shaped hole in their heart and they will look to other men to fill it and the results are disastrous. What is even more amazing is that God created us with a hole in our hearts as well that only He could fill. I realize that now, years after trying to fill it with everything else from drugs to alcohol to relationships. Even though at times, I feel the sadness of not having a father love me or speak tenderly to me, I know that I now have the best, most lovable Father anyone could ever want or imagine. He loves me in spite of myself and so perfectly in a way no other human being on earth can. His love and motives are pure. His love, totally unconditional. How amazing is that?! Romans 5:8 says “while I was a sinner, Christ gave His life for me!” Not after I got my act together! (He knew that would never happen!) So instead, of feeling sadness, I will choose to bask in my heavenly presence and love for me. I wrote a few of my Scriptures below that I have stored up in my heart and when I start doubting my worth or feel that longing in my heart, I say these over and over. In the book of Psalms, it says “God sent forth His Word and healed them” and I can honestly say, that His Word has healed my heart. I sometimes will stand in front of a mirror and repeat these verses over and over to myself.
I am created in His image
I am fearfully and wonderfully made
I am the apple of His eye
He sings songs over me and delights in me
His love for me is as high as the heavens
His compassion and mercies are new for me everyday
He knows how many hairs are on my head
He knows what I need before I even ask
My name is written on His heart
No one can snatch me from His hand
He upholds me with His righteous right hand
He rescues me because He delights in me
He redeems my life from the pit
He restores to me what the locusts have eaten
He gave me a new heart
He put a new song in my mouth
He loves me with an everlasting love
He is close to me when I am broken hearted
He always watches over me and does not sleep
He is always with me
He is the lover of my soul
I am His beloved
I am His Bride!
Is the semester over yet???
In the famous words of myself, Oh mylanta! I have been doing homework for the last few hours and my brain is most certainly going to explode. Why oh why do I need to know about pantheism, metaphysics and the cosmological and ontological argument for my bachelors degree?!?!?!?! Who invented systematic theology anyways because if I find him, I’m gonna whop him on his head. I love reading the Bible so why can’t I just read it and use my school book as a foot stool in my bathroom?? I can’t even look in my mirror without standing on my tippie toes anyways.
ok, I feel better whining a little although I just recalled that I am supposed to do everything without complaining or grumbling. Pppffft phooooey
Bring on the Homework
So I get my Systematic Theology book in the mail Saturday and could barely carry it in by myself it was so heavy! It has to be a good 2 1/2 inches tall and I looked through it and decided that I wasn’t quite ready to start learning about metaphysical precondition or theism or the anthropic principle so I got in the pool instead! I am off to a great start! So right now, I should be reading the thing but instead I am blogging. My other book for my class on Biblical Worldview didn’t come yet so I guess I can put that one off for a little while. I did however get the questions emailed to me by my advisor and right off the back I have to write a 5 page paper on my worldview as I know it based on the Bible or what I have been taught about Christian principles. That might actually be fun because it helps me to remember why I have been set apart. I have only 5 classes left including these 2 and I am praying that I can get them all done by the end of the year. I am thinking I am not going to go for my masters unless I get a really, really, really, really clear audible message from God telling me I should! Just kidding but I don’t think I could write a thesis at this point in my life.
On another totally different note, this season of praise I am in has me really listening to the words of a lot of songs. Have you ever just sang along and not really thought about what you were singing and then all of sudden, it’s like a light bulb goes off in your head and you realize what you are singing? It just happened to me a little while ago. I was driving home from work and the song Majesty, (Here I Am) came on the radio and the words really penetrated my heart for some reason. The chorus especially where they sing:
Majesty, Majesty
Your grace has found me just as I am
Empty handed, but alive in your hands
Majesty, Majesty
Forever I am changed by your love
In the presence of your Majesty
Isn’t it marvelous to be empty handed and have absolutely nothing to give but because of Christ’s incredible love for us, we have everything we need!! I am so glad we have worship music and so many talented musicians. Ok, I guess I have rambled enough. Homework, here I come.
Devotions
I have been praying for a very long time about writing a book but it seems like I can never find the time to get started on it. I want to write about my testimony and how much my life has changed since I surrendered wholeheartedly to Christ. I have some really cool ideas and one of them is to have parts of my journal in it from before I became a Christian. It shows how hopeless and full of despair I was and I want to share the hope that I received to others who may be hurting like I was. Every now and again I pull out the old journals and I am amazed at how different my life is now. I still have struggles and trials but I now have someone with me every step of the way. Someone who loved me when no one else did, someone who loves me with a perfect and everlasting love.
I am now praying about writing a devotional and I have started putting it together from some of the devotions I have written on this blog. I love sharing my life in Christ and the lessons I am learning and if any of it can help someone to have a deeper walk with the Lord or learn from my mistakes, challenges and trials then it will be worth it. Jesus taught using parables and I think it helps us to hear stories and see how Scripture can be applied to everything in our lives.
Expectations
A couple of my friends and I went to a singles’ event this past week and I wanted to jot down some of the things the pastor said. His message focused on our expectations as single adults and how we can be dissapointed and even angry at God for Him not bringing us a spouse. He said we may be wondering what’s going on and something that struck me as he was speaking was a question he asked, “have we possible stepped out of God’s will.” He then went on to talk about Luke 6:46 where Jesus asks the people, “why do you call me Lord, Lord and do not do what I say?” I love that about Jesus, He just gets right to the point and He always asks questions. A pastor I know uses a great illustration to describe this. He holds up a cup and then explains how God wants to pour so many blessings into it but if we are not situated properly underneath the cup, the blessings will not end up in it because we are outside of God’s will.
We are called not only to listen but to obey as well. In the first chapter of James it talks about listening and doing and then being blessed by obedience. I am in no way stating here that if you obey God you will get your man (or woman for that matter), what I am suggesting is that maybe we have put seeking a mate above seeking God. The pastor went on to talk about our trust in Christ and asked us if we trust Him enough. Enough to obey and put our lives on the line for Him? I pray that He gives me strength because there is no way I can obey Him without the continual filling of the Holy Spirit. I know He has given me the grace I need to be in the season of singleness I am in now and although I desire to be married, I love the season of praise I am in now.
On another note, I think I will pass on these singles’ events in the future. Talk about pressure! Everyone is staring at everyone else and although I know you need to be around people to meet people, this is not my idea of fun. I felt like such a dork just standing around but it was kind of fun to watch people. I know God is not going to bring me someone at my door via Fed Ex but I have to believe He is sovereign and that He has a plan for my life and that He hears my prayers. I made up a list of character qualities from the Bible a few years ago that I want my mate to have. I gave a copy of it to a few of my friends so they can hold me accountable to stick to it. I don’t want to meet someone in a crowd who is simply attracted to my outer self. I want someone to be attracted to my inner beauty and see my love for the Lord and I want to be prayed for. I know that may sound weird but I want to know that someone didn’t just walk up and ask me out but that he sought the Lord and prayed over me. (It could be the reason I am still single!!) Proverbs 31 says, “charm is deceptive and beauty is fleeting, but a woman who fears the Lord will be praised.”
Still Amazed!
I can’t believe how much love I have for my Lord Jesus. The very thought of being completely surrendered to Him just amazes me. It must be a gift from God because I never learned what love was like growing up. To be able to feel and know how much He loves me is even more incredible. I know I have been writing a lot about this but I really love this season of praise I am in. I have been listening to worship music and singing at the top of my lungs and I do get some weird looks when I am driving. I can’t help it if I wave my arms in the air in my car!!
Anyways, we sang this song in church this Sunday and I almost couldn’t even sing it because I was trying to not bawl my eyes out. Is it just me or do you sometimes get so overcome by emotion when you are singing to the Lord? We sang the Revelation song by Kari Jobe and I will put some of the lyrics here. You have to listen to the song though because the words don’t do the song justice.
Holy, Holy, Holy
Is the Lord God Almighty
Who was, and is, and is to come
With all creation I sing
Praise to the King of Kings
You are my everything
And I will adore You
