Living My Faith Out Loud

I was cleaning like crazy this morning and decided I wanted to move one of my bookshelves. As I started taking the books off the shelf, I came across several of my old journals.  I really wish I would journal more because I really enjoyed reading about my life 3 years ago and it gave me a peek into what was going on in my heart.  I know I blog alot but it’s not the same, since I know this is on the internet for all to see. Journaling is more personal since it’s for my eyes only. I wanted to post one of the days that I wrote in Sept 2005.

Read John 2:12-25 this morning, “When it was almost time for the Jewish Passover, Jesus went up to Jerusalem. In the temple courts He found men selling cattle, sheep and doves, and others sitting at tables exchanging money.  So he made a whip out of cords, and drove all from the temple area, both sheep and cattle; he scattered the coins of the money changers and overturned their tables.  To those who sold doves He said, ‘Get these out of here!  How dare you turn my Father’s house into a market!’  Then the Jews demanded of Him, ‘what miraculous sign can you show us to prove your authority to do all this?’  Jesus answered them, ‘Destroy this temple, and I will raise it again in three days.’”

I usually read this part of Scripture and focus on Jesus being angry. Instead I was pondering how we want proof and to see miracles in order to believe.  It’s sometimes easier to focus on these “miracles” instead of doing the hard part which is to live by faith, not by sight.  We ask for signs from the Lord because we want to “know.”  We want to have that warm and fuzzy feeling instead of standing on God’s promises.  I pray my faith might increase.  I pray that I would be so attuned to the voice of the Lord. Help me to believe that You have my best always.

It’s funny how what I wrote 3 years ago and still applies today.  I need to stand on God’s promises, I need to wait on Him. I feel like all I do is wait but I know that one day, my eyes will opened to His plan and I will be so blown away!

I was planning on writing about a Bible study I have been doing on the Tabernacle.  It has been one of the most fascinating studies I have ever done.  I used to shy away from the Old Testament because I didn’t understand it and I thought it wasn’t as important as the New Testament.  I fell in love with the OT when I had to take a survery of it for a class in school.  I was amazed to find out everything in the OT points to Jesus in the NT.

Anyways, I was going to write about the Tabernacle and as I was looking something up, I came across Deuteronomy 23:14, “The Lord your God moves about in your camp to protect you and to deliver your enemies to you.  Your camp must be holy, so that He will not see among you anything indecent and turn away from you.”  As I read it, I felt like God was speaking to me and it really cut to my heart. The Lord also says, “be holy for I am holy.”  Not only are we to be holy, our entire camp is to be holy. Set apart. In the world, but not of the world. And the last part of the verse about God turning away from us, that is a very sobering thought.  I know we are filled with His Spirit and sealed and all that but to think that if there is anything indecent among us, He will actually turn away from us. It reminds me of Psalm 51 that David wrote after he was confronted with his sin with Bathsheba from the prophet Nathan. David cried out, “Do not cast me from your presence or take your Holy Spirit from me.”   How David must have felt to write that.  I think we sometimes think that we can’t feel God’s presence or we may even think His Spirit has left us like King Saul but the truth of the matter is that we have to examine ourselves very carefully. What is in our camp? Is there something indecent among us? Is it because of something we are doing that is keeping God’s presence from us?

I pray that if there is, the Lord would reveal it to me.  The challenge is in hearing it.  I usually don’t have to ask twice! I am so glad that His mercies are new every day. I am so glad that if we confess our sins, He is faithful and just to not only forgive us but to also cleanse us from ALL unrighteousness.  I am so grateful that although my sins are like scarlet, I am made new, like freshly fallen snow. I am once again, in absolute awe of my Creator.

As I was driving into work this morning, I had a little worship service in my car.  I was listening to my fake ipod with my favorite worship tunes on it and pondering the things of God, like creation. The trees, flowers, leaves, the cows and sheep I pass everyday. I know I am always talking about how much I dig creation but as my very good friend LaToya says, it’s my love language with God.  It really is and so is worship so the two together is absolutely incredible.  I was singing my heart out and praising God for who He is and what He has done in my life, which is miraculous. It made me think of something I read recently and it has been in my heart for days now.  One simple sentence yet so profound.  “Awe precedes faith.”  Read that again, “Awe precedes faith.”  It reminds me of being a kid on Christmas morning and waking up with such enthusiasm and expectation of what my present would be.  That feeling of excitement, the build up days before and more so on Christmas Eve. Not being able to sleep.  Could you imagine if we woke up every day in anticipation of what God would do to and through us? If we would just wait on Him and listen to that still small voice He speaks to us so often with. What would our faith look like? What would our actions look like?  Are we in awe of our Maker? I pray that I would never, ever get complacent in my faith. I want to be in a constant state of awe. I want Him to show me things that I can’t even imagine. Awe. 3 letters but it carries the weight of so many more.  When was the last time you were in awe of who Christ is and what He has done for you?

This Sunday I went to a different church that I have been visiting lately and we sang a song that I hadn’t heard in a long time. It moved me to tears and I really felt the presence of God and it was almost overwhelming. I love it when that happens and I sometimes wish it would happen more often but I don’t think I could handle it. It’s almost too glorious if that makes sense! Anyways, the song is Be Unto Your Name. Putting the lyrics here would not do the song justice so I found it on youtube. Listen to the words and take a minute and think about everything the Lord has done for you and everything He has forgiven you for. Amazing, utterly amazing.

I am going on my 5th week recuperting from pleurisy and I gotta tell you, it ain’t been fun. For the last month I have been on 4 different meds and I was doing really well until last week. I don’t know what the deal is. Every time I take a breath, which is pretty often, I feel this stabbing pain in my chest and my left lung. I went back to the doctor again last week and she told me once again how long it takes to heal from this. She said the lungs take a very long time to heal because they never get a break. I have been on some heavy duty pain killers but they make me talk incessantly (yes, even more than I already talk!) and they make me goofy so I am not going to take them anymore. She told me to try Tylenol and see if that helps. She also put me on the steroid pack and said hopefully that will get the inflammation in my lung down. If it doesn’t help then I have to have a CT scan.

I am so frustrated because it is so beautiful outside and I am raring to start working out again. It feels like it has been forever but she said I could do no excercise that will make me breathe deep. Well, that cancels everything! I tried to some Tai Chi this morning but that wasn’t a good idea!

I am frustrated as I feel like I have been battling physical issues for so long. First all the knee surgeries (4 of them) which praise God is doing much better. The partial knee replacement is holding up well and when the pain came back several months ago, I realized I was working out too hard. My doctor scolded me and reminded me that I could not do step aerobics with an artificial knee and gave me a shot of cortisone in it which helped. Party pooper!  

I know the Lord has a plan in all this and I can already see that I have become more compassionate and empathetic towards people with physical ailments. I used to just think in my mind, get over it already but now am realizing that our bodies are defintely wasting away! I can’t wait to get to heaven, although I am in no rush to get there! Perfect bodies, streets made of chocolate…. I mean gold………

I love coming home from work and finding a letter from one of my child sponsors. I am avid supporter of World Vision and sponsor 2 beautiful little girls. One in India named Nakshatra and Ntombikayise in Africa. It is with such joy that I write letters and send them little things.  I get a report card each year on their grades in school and their health and an updated picture. It is exciting and encouraging that amongst all the poverty, these 2 little girls are getting bigger and bigger! Ntombikayise or Tombi as I call her, is a Hope Child because she is in an area where AIDS/HIV is rampant.  I pray I get to meet both of them someday.

Here is the letter from Tombi:

I am very glad to receive a letter coming from you. I think God is with you as He has done to me. God keeps on doing great things for me. I am very happy to receive a purse, pen, stickers and a card. May God bless you. I will use the pen when writing my school work. Your gift makes me to have a feeling of you and I need to see you as time goes on.  I think God will continue blessing you are your family.  Thank you.   

Isn’t that great? It warms my heart so much and I love how she writes and uses grammar. Would you consider sponsoring a child today? Is $30 a month too much to ask to save a life? My girls not only get to eat and have shelter, they are getting an education that will allow them to grow up and become something and change their country.  They are also learning about God and Jesus Christ, how cool is that? Please pray and ask the Lord if He would have you sponsor a child. Click on this link and be a world changer today!