Living My Faith Out Loud

Saturday was one of nieces 7th birthday. We had a party for her at a children’s gym and it was the absolute best kids birthday party I ever went to. It was all about running around, excercising and of course totally focused on the birthday girl, which of course, she loved! She loves being the center of the attention (I swear she doesn’t get that from me…must be from her crazy grandmother, see picture of grandma jumping on trampoline).  Anyways, one of the reasons it was so much fun was because I played with them too! Most of the adults were sitting off the side but since I am obsessed with my camera and taking a bajillion pictures, I was in the middle of the action. There was dancing, tug of war, rock climbing, jousting and so much more. We jumped on a trampoline, yes I did too. I tried to look like I was one of the kids and almost got away with it! When the jousting part came, the birthday girl, Alana, had to stand on top of this round cylinder thing with another person and     knock them off. They let her pick her first contender and she picked her baby sister Amina who is only 2 1/2!!! We all cracked up and thought Alana must really want to knock out her little sister but she was very gentle with her.

When it was done, they told Alana she could pick someone else to knock out and off and guess who she picked!? Yep, me. Her favorite auntie in the whole wide world. It was so much fun and she did knock me off and rather quickly too!

I love my family so much. I can’t believe that before I gave my life to Jesus they would hardly speak to me. Who could blame them? I wasn’t the person I am today. I was never around, I couldn’t be counted on or trusted for anything. I was too busy partying and doing my own thing. I am so thankful that the Lord restored my relationships with them and sometimes I can’t believe how absolutely lucky I am to have so many brothers I love and 2 nieces and 2 nephews that I adore! My mom, well, we will just save that for an entire post one day. God performed a miracle in our relationship and restored it beyond my wildest imagination.

Here are some pictures and unfortunately no one took any of me while I was getting jousted off but that’s because they were too busy rolling around on the floor laughing at me. Life is short. Have fun. Live a little. Who cares who’s watching…

I skipped out on my regular church today and visited a church right near my house, but don’t tell my pastor or my boss

Life is precious was the title of the pastor’s message today. Since today is National Sanctity of Human Life Day, I reckon most of you heard a message about it. It was a great reminder how the Creator of the universe has created each one of us with a plan and a purpose.  The pastor did not focus on the unborn children who are aborted although we did watch a short video showing one. His focus was on how much God loves each and every one of us. Well, duh, you may be thinking but when was the last time you really thought about how much He loves you? He absolutely adores us and is right now at this very moment, delighting and rejoicing over us! How cool is that? You think I’m nuts? (don’t answer that) It says so in Zephaniah 3:17. Can you imagine that? Even though you don’t feel like He is, He is! Even if you feel like you have strayed so far from Him, even if you feel like you are a failure, even if you feel like you don’t deserve it. It don’t matter one iota to Him. His Word says in Jeremiah 1:5, “Before I formed you in the womb, I knew you…”  The Hebrew word that is used for the word knew is “yada” (pronouced yah dah) which means to know in an intimate, personal way. God knows you and me intimately, He knows our wants, needs and deepest desires of our hearts.

I love Psalm 139 and when I first came to trust Christ with my life, I read it over and over again. For most of my life, I felt like I was worthless, that I had no value and nothing to offer. I felt hopeless and depressed for most of my life and it was not until I met the Savior of the world that I truly began to understand my worth.  I had based my worth on how other people saw me or even how I saw myself and on what I had done or not done.  It was not until I began to be transformed by renewing  my mind on God’s Word that I found out what I had never known…I matter to God! I was created to be loved and to love. I was created with brown hair and brown eyes for a reason! I was created with a witty and playful personality! I was created with the gift of administration! I was created to have a heart for children and orphans! I was created to fulfill God’s plan in His universe that only I could fulfill!  How amazing is that??? God created each and everyone of us with different abilities, gifts, likes and dislikes and all sorts of other stuff. Praise God for our differences. It is so incredible to know that each and every day of our lives were ordained and written in the Lamb’s book of life before any of them came to be!

So, who are you? How did you get to my blog? I had 46 hits on here last night and only one posted a comment. It’s easy to comment and for those of you who don’t know how to, here are the instructions:

Look at the end of any post, you see where it says “comment”? Click on it and voila! Fill it out and that’s all there is to it! Let me know how you got to my blog too and where you are from, Thanks!

Well, after much research I decided to make the move to Word Press! I am so excited and hopefully will be able to do much more with this blog.

Please don’t forget to post a comment to let me know you stopped by!

It is snowing!!! I just got home from work (gotta love it when you get sent home early) and I took pictures along the way. Lest you think I put myself or anyone else in danger while DWTP (driving while taking pictures) we were only going about 15 miles per hour and well, I have to multi-task even while driving!!!

I absolutely love living in the country but on days like today, it’s a little scary! Here are some pics:

Here are a few of a sunrise I took last week in my backyard. I get to watch it rise everyday!

How can anyone believe there is not a Creator? Look at how absolutely magnificent these colors are. I am so grateful God is so creative. I am also so blessed to be able to live where I do and every day I only need to look out my window and He reminds me that He is always there.

2 Corinthians 5:17 states, “therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; the old has gone, the new has come!.”
What an incredible statement. Most of us have it memorized, certainly people with a past like mine. Whenever I have a “shame” attack or start to feel condemnation, I say this Scripture over and over. I don’t know if you do this or not, but if you would look into my Bible you would see my name in alot of the places where it says me, you, them. Like in Jeremiah 31:3 (one of my fav’s) my Bible says, I have loved Rachel with an everlasting love, I have drawn Rachel with loving kindness. I am totally serious, all over my Bible, it says Rachel this and Rachel that. It personalizes it for me. You should try it! I call it my RIV.
Anyways, doing my Bible study this morning on forgetting what is behind… I came across this cool statement by Charles Spurgeon. (I just love these dudes who preached in the days of old. They tell it like it is and don’t water down the message so everyone would feel comfortable).
He writes, “We are today accepted in the Beloved, absolved from sin, aquitted at the bar from God. We are now even pardoned; even now are our sins put away; even now we stand accepted in the sight of God, as though we had never been guilty…There is neither speck, nor spot, nor wrinkle, nor any such thing remaining upon any one believer in the matter of justification in the sight of the Judge of all the earth.”
Look at those words: accepted, absolved, aquitted. I pray today that I will walk as a truly forgiven woman of God with my head held high and my face looking up toward the One who loves me with an everlasting love.

The subject of prayer covers so much and lately I have been reading and studying this most important thing in a Christian’s life. I was listening to Spurgeon lst night and am amazed that he can preach in the 1800’s and it still applies today. Jesus is indeed the same yesterday, today and tomorrow.
Spurgeon challenged on the subject of prayer and our lack of real prayer. What happened that we are so busy that we can’t even get on our knees or our faces like in the days of our salvation? When did our prayer time get so impersonal that we spit out a few things we want or throw up a quick prayer for someone who needs healing. What happened to praying without ceasing? I remember when I first became a Christian, I used to have these special prayer times with the Lord. I would turn off the lights in my bedroom, light candles and put a blanket on the floor and lay on it and read my Bible and pray and just bask in God’s presence. When did I stop doing that? I would journal and sing to Him and we have a grand old time together.
I remember one time I was dealing with a broken heart over some issues I was struggling with and almost an entire day I was on my face, prostrate on the floor. I felt like David when he was praying for his baby. Arms out to the side, face on the ground and weeping and crying out to the Lord to come help me. When did I cease to get on my face before Him?
One of my commitments I made for this year is to rely on the power of the Holy Spirit more. This goes hand in hand with prayer. We can’t be filled with the very Spirit of God if we are not in the very presence of God.
I have been pondering my lack of genuine prayer. Notice I said genuine, not the 15 minutes of blah, blah, blah the Lord hears but real genuine prayer. The Lord opened my eyes to show me that I may be holding onto some fears about prayer. Not scared of actually praying, but scared of praying about certain things because I am afraid He will let me down. I know that sounds absolutely ridiculous and I know without a doubt, He would never let me down but it’s almost like being a kid again. You know, you are so afraid of getting excited about something andyou hold back because if it doesn’t come through, you are not hurt or dissapointed by it. Do you know what I mean? It is a destructive defense mechanism and will and has robbed me. I am afraid to ask for what I really want. At times, I don’t even know what I want because in many areas, I stopped dreaming a long time ago. Jesus tells us we have to become like little children and I am starting to get why. Little children don’t carry a bunch of baggage, hurts, dissapointments or expectations. They believe in Santa and the Boogie Man. They aren’t afraid of sounding stupid when they ask for something, they simply say, I want it now! Right now!
Oh, I want to be like Jacob when he wrestled with God. Yes, Jacob walked away with a limp, but He also walked away with God’s blessing. Maybe I am afraid the limp will not be worth it. I don’t know. I will pray about it!
I will end with Mark 11:24, “Therefore, I tell you, whatever you ask for in prayer, believe that you have recieved it and it will be yours.”
Oh Lord, increase my faith!

I was talking to a girlfriend of mine, Courtney (aka-foo foo skippy), one day about grace and she suggested that I read The Ragamuffin Gospel. I had heard about it and it was on my list to read anyways so I went ahead and bought it. Wow, that’s all I can say. What a reminder that Christ came not for the healthy but for the sick. He died for us WHILE we were sinners. Staggering thought.
Anyways, in the first chapter, Brennan Manning is brutally honest when he states, “The American church today accepts grace in theory but denies it in practice. Our culture is partially to blame because the word grace is impossible to understand. We resonate slogans like: There’s no free lunch. You get what you deserve. You want money? Work for it. You want love? Earn it. You want mercy? Show you deserve it. Do unto others before they do unto you. Though the Scriptures insist on God’s initiative in the work of salvation, our spirituality often starts with self not God. Though lip service is paid to the gospel of grace, many Christians live as if only personal discipline and self-denial will mold the perfect me. The emphasis is on what I do rather than on what God is doing…Sooner or later we are confronted with the painful truth of our inadequacy and insufficiency. Our security is shattered…weakness and infidelity appear. We discover our inability to add a single inch to our spiritual stature…Our huffing and puffing to impress God, our scrambling for brownie points, our thrashing about trying to fix ourselves while hiding our pettiness and wallowing in guilt are nauseating to God and are a flat denial of the gospel of grace.”

And that was just part of the chapter! I am not writing about this to come down on the church but to agree with what the author wrote because this entire paragraph could have been written about me. It sounds like my biography. I have been writing about my struggles with grace and the law since I started this blog and until I “get” it, I guess I’ll continue writing about it. I know in my head what grace is. I mean for heaven’s sake, I work for the church! I do Bible studies on grace! But how and when did grace become something that I keep striving to earn? I have prayed about this very issue since I was pretty much saved. I shared in an earlier post about an old roomate asking me if I thought God loved me anymore today than the day He pulled me out of the alcohol induced, depression laden pit from hell and I know, know, that He doesn’t!
I know there is absolutely nothing I can do to merit His love and forgiveness and I will be joyous on the day that I can just rest in His presence and let Him love me for who I am. Broken, messed up little me bringing absolutely nothing but myself to Him. How can I offer grace if I can’t even accept it for myself? How can I explain the love and mercy of Christ if people watch me continually strive for it? How can I show people that God is a lover of the broken hearted when I hide my own broken heart from Him? You’d think I’d be getting it now! Have you struggled with this issue too? I mean, jiminy crickets, why do I have to be a type a in my relationship with the Lord?!
I know I am rambling and I am not condemning myself, I guess I just needed to share that with the whole world. Hahaha!
Praise God He knows what He’s doing!

I woke up this morning thinking about something a friend said to me yesterday. Basically it was that I talked too much. Ouch! Ok, so there is a little truth in it but I am a very talkative person. Not obnoxious like I have to be the center of attention or that nervous, chatty talk. I just enjoy conversation for the sake of conversing. I always have something to say, no matter the topic!
I know men and women differ tremendously in this area (as in almost all areas!) and women use like a bajillion more words than men each day. Here is my thought… Have you ever wondered why God made you with certain “qualities” or gave you the personality He did? I know there are many factors that develop our character and personality, like our environment, upbringing, etc. (One only need to look at my crazy mother and brothers to see where I got my spunkiness from!). How about things like being an extrovert versus introvert, or type A’s versus people are really laid back. Thinkers versus feelers, you get the idea.
I am writing about this because when I woke up I had a little shame attack about this. I started wishing I would talk less. I wished I wasn’t so comical or type A. I wished I could just let things go sometimes. Then as I prayed about it, Psalm 139 came to me. God knew me before I was born. He knew I would have a quirky sense of humor and that I would “talk too much.” I am fearfully and wonderfully made, granted I am also a little strange! My point is this, I love to talk and I love to make people laugh. It is who I am and I like that part of me no matter what anyone says!!!

I started a new Bible study yesterday Becoming a Woman of Freedom, which focuses on laying aside our hindrances, our old self, our past, pleasing people, busyness, etc..
Here is an excerpt that fits exactly what I am blabbering about. Jerry Bridges says,
Self-acceptance is basically trusting God for who I am, disabilities or physical flaws and all. We need to learn to think as George MacDonald did when he said, “I would rather be what God chose to make me than the most glorious creature that I could think of; for to have been thought about, born into God’s thought, and then made by God, is the dearest, grandest, and most precious thing in all thinking.”

I like that!!!

Psalm 139:13-116
For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother’s womb. I praise You because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; Your works are wonderful, I know that full well. My frame was not hidden from You when I was made in the secret place. When I was woven together in the depths of the earth, your eyes saw my unformed body. All the days ordained for me were written in Your book before one of them came to be.

I received an email today that came at such a perfect time. The Lord really does know what we need when we need it. It was so encouraging to me that I asked the sender if I could blog it and she said ok. I am posting this not to toot my horn but to challenge you to encourage someone today. The Lord puts people in our lives and in our paths and I truly believe that when Paul told us to speak to one another with psalms, hymns and spirtual songs, this is what he meant. Your kinds words could change someone’s life or be the pick up they so desperately need.
I had to read it 3 times because I couldn’t get through it at all once. It made me weep tears of joy and I am once again so amazed that God can take a “ragamuffin” like me and use me for His glory.
Here is what she wrote.

I stumbled onto your blog last night as I was “googling” some scripture verses, and I just could not stop reading. I don’t usually contact anyone like this but I can’t deny this feeling in my heart from God. I just need to tell you how amazing you are. You are surely being used as an instrument of His righteousness. He is spilling out His love in you.
I truly believe that a woman of your character and faith is only created out of desperation for God. A love like yours only grows out of a heart that has been deeply wounded. God is using it all for His Glory.
I can’t express how blessed I was by reading the cries of your heart on this blog. I am so encouraged by the way that you love God and I am so grateful that you are a member of the Body of Christ; I am extremely proud to call you my sister. In the words of author Lauren Winner, “We Christians are dedicated to living the really real.” Rachel, I don’t know you at all but I do know that you are living the really real. Thank God for your obedience to Him and your unquenchable fire for Him. Your life is extravagant worship.

There are no words for me to describe the joy I feel in my heart from this wonderful sister in Christ. Thank you so much Missy!

Why is legalism so much easier than grace? I am finishing my Bible study on Becoming A Woman of Grace by Cynthia Heald. It has been a very good study for me as this is an area I struggle with. Is it all type A people like me who find it easier to keep the focus on the law and the do’s and the do not’s? What in the world is that all about??? Is it easier for us “strivers” to do instead of just be? Why?
I was thinking about Mary and Martha this morning. I am Martha but want so bad to become like Mary. I think if I was there, doing all that preparing and cooking and Mary was just sitting there at Jesus’ feet doing nothing, I may have walked up to her and bopped her on her head. I am sure I would have had a stinky attitude towards her because I would have been focused on me doing everything while she was focusing on her Lord. I hate to admit it, but it’s true. When Martha complained to Jesus’ (imagine that!) He said, “Martha, Martha, you are worried and upset about many things, but only one thing is needed. Mary has chosen what is better and it will not be taken away from her.”
Wow, Mary made a choice to sit at Jesus’ feet. Martha made a choice to be worried and upset. Hmmm. Many things had to be done to prepare for all the disciples coming. I think, I, like Martha, was focused on making sure everything was perfect for them. I mean, who can blame her? She had to vacuum, dust, wash the linen napkins (you can’t give the Lord a paper napkin, I mean, really!) and probably made several trips to Walmart for last minute items. She was tired but she was focused on making everything all nice and perfect (and probably wanted a pat on the back) while Mary was just a sitting there. Hanging on every word of her Master. Mary did choose what was better. I pray that I can make the right choices today, just for today, one day at a time.

Here is an excerpt from the study from a quote from Jerry Bridges:
Under a sense of legalism, obedience is done with a view to meriting salvation or God’s blessing in our lives. Under grace, obedience is a loving response to salvation already provided in Christ, and the assurance that, having provided salvation, God will also through Christ provide all else that we need.
There is no question that obedience to God’s commands prompted by fear or merit-seeking is not true obedience. The only obedience acceptable to God is constrained and impelled by love, because “love is the fulfillment of the law.” God’s law as revealed in His Word prescribes our duty, but love provides the correct motive for obedience. We obey God’s law, not be loved, but because we are loved in Christ.

Well, that pretty much sums it up. I have been praying about getting this for some time now. My head knows it. I can’t do anything to merit God’s favor. My salvation, already taken care of. It is finished all right.

Do you ever feel like you are simply not living up to all that God has called you to be? If you are anything like me, you have asked yourself and God the question, “what is my calling? What am I supposed to be doing? Am I living my life as the Lord intended?” I’m not talking about going to church, reading your Bible, serving or whatever just popped into your head as you read this. I am talking about truly living out your calling. “But I don’t even know my calling”, you say. Sure you do. It’s right in the Bible. I was thinking about some verses and these are some of the ones that I thought of. I like to walk around my house and speak these out loud. There is just something that occurs when you speak the Words of God out loud. There is power and authority in them. Think about creation. God spoke it into existence.
Act justly, love mercy, walk humbly with your God. Love your neighbor as yourself. Obey God’s word. Seek Him first. Forgive as you have been forgiven. Lay down your life for your brother. Feed the hungry. Clothe the naked. Look after orphans and widows. Pray for one another. Give to all who ask. Let your mouth overflow with praise with thanksgiving. Trust in the Lord. Mourn with those who mourn. Love your enemies. Store up His commands in your heart. Have childlike faith. Work out your salvation with fear and trembling. Acknowledge Christ in everything. Get wisdom. Guard your heart. Rejoice in your sufferings. Guard your lips. Walk with the wise. Do not fear. Forget the former things. Delight in the Lord. Bow down in worship. Wait patiently for the Lord. Be controlled by the Spirit. Offer your body as a living sacrifice to God. Be a peacemaker. Comfort others with the comfort you received. Press on towards the goal. Honor God with your body. Stand firm in your faith. Set your hearts on things above. Fix your eyes on what is eternal not temporary. Take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ. Boast about your weaknesses. Clothe yourselves with kindness and compassion. Build others up. Be completely humble and gentle with one another. Be rooted and built up in Christ. Put off your old self. Be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Focus on what is pure and lovely. Be imitators of God. Be holy. Put on the full armor of God. Bear with one another. Let the word of Christ dwell in you. Do what the Word says. Sing psalms, hymns and spiritual songs to one another. Grow in the grace and knowledge of God. Do nothing out of selfish ambition. Work at whatever you do with all your heart. Be joyful always. Pray continually. Give thanks in all circumstances. Be quick to listen, slow to speak. Run your race with perseverance. Be clear minded and self controlled. Love one another.

There are of course, a bajillion more but these are some of my favorites that I like. They keep me focused on the Lord and on His will. They remind me of how I am supposed to be living. My prayer today is that when I feel unloving, impatient, judgmental, or just plain stinky, I will remember who I am in Christ. I pray I will remember all that I have been forgiven for. I pray that I will be sensitive to the Spirit’s leading and not the leading of my flesh. I pray that I will be Jesus’ hands and feet to this dying, hurting world.

This past Sunday in church, we sang Amazing Grace by Chris Tomlin and I was so awestruck and reminded of the love my Savior has for me. I have heard and sang it many times but for some reason this weekend, it really hit me. This is a song written about me (yeah, yeah, yeah, I know it was written for ALL of us but this is my blog so here, it’s all about Me!)
Anyways, I had my eyes closed and was worshipping the Lord and when we sang the chorus, I felt my eyes tearing up. This is a pretty usual occurence for me during worship but something felt different this day. Have you ever been so moved by God that there are simply no words to describe it? Just an incredible, overwhelming sensing of His presense consumming your heart and soul? Well, that is exactly how I felt especially while singing the chorus, My chains are gone, I’ve been set free! My God, my Savior has ransomed me. And like a flood His mercy reigns, Unending love, Amazing grace.
Amazing that He would take someone like me and cover me in His love and mercy. It boggles my mind that He chose me. He loves me with an everlasting love, how cool is that?
Here are the words, let them get down in your heart:
Amazing grace, how sweet the sound that saved a wretch like me. I once was lost, but now I’m found was blind, but now I see. ‘Twas grace that taught my heart to fear and grace my fears relieved. How precious did that grace appear the hour I first believed.
My chains are gone, I’ve been set free! My God, my Savior has ransomed me. And like a flood His mercy reigns, Unending love, Amazing grace.
The Lord has promised good to me, His word my hope secures. He will my shield and portion be as long as life endures.
My chains are gone, I’ve been set free, My God, my Savior has ransomed me. And like a flood His mercy reigns, Unending love, Amazing grace.
The earth shall soon dissolve like snow, the sun forbear to shine. But God, who called me here below will be forever mine.
Will be forever mine.
You are forever mine.

By the way, the picture is me a year and half ago in Peru at the Women’s Shelter.

It’s hard to imagine another year went by and that we are in 2008. I was talking to a friend last night and he asked me if I had made any resolutions. It’s funny because the thought never crossed my mind! Usually I try to think of a few things I want to commit to but I didn’t. As I woke up this morning, I was thinking about the areas I want to grow in spiritually and there are so many it’s hard to think of just a few. I am doing a Bible study on grace and it is really opening my eyes to see my tendency towards being judgmental and legalistic.
So the first area I would like to grow in is grace. I want to be a woman of grace. I want to be motivated by my love of people and Christ. Jesus always helped people out of His love and compassion. That’s what I want. To be gracious, to “err on the side of grace” as one of my friends would say.
The second area I want to grow in is by relying on the power of the Holy Spirit a whole lot more than I have been doing. When I was in Africa, I saw the most amazing things that I knew could only be accomplished with a filling of the Holy Spirit. I watched shy teenagers walk into shacks and proclaim Christ in such a bold way. I saw people get healed right before my very eyes. I saw hundreds of lives being transformed by Christ and I have to admit that it had nothing to do with us and everything to do with Jesus and His power. I want to walk in His power. I don’t want to doubt, I want to be faith and spirit filled. I want to know the power of His resurrection.
Thirdly, this is a tough one for me. I need to keep a tight rein on my tongue. It’s no wonder the Bible says our tongues are a restless evil full of deadly poison. Those are very strong words. My friends joke with me whenever I am not controlling my tongue by saying “mouth book.” I have a “mouth book” and carry it around in my purse. I am always writing Scriptures down and whenever I am struggling with an issue (which is always!) I look up all the Scriptures in the Bible pertaining to the issue and write them down on index cards then I put them in a small photo album to carry with me and read over and over. It is a great way to renew my mind and memorize Scriptures. I have several of these little “books” and it is a great way to “take my thoughts captive and make them obedient to Christ.”
So, those are the 3 biggies for me that I want to focus on. Today I will make up a “grace” book and a Holy Spirit “power” book.
I really think this is going to be a life-changing year for me. I have a few “decisions” I am praying about and need to make that will alter the course of my life and I really need wisdom and guidance from the Lord. I don’t want to make any decisions based on my feelings or fear but out of obedience to Christ. Either way, I know no matter what I choose, He will guide me and be near me. How cool is that?