It never ceases to amazes me that on July 14, 2001 my life as a new creation in Christ began. Each year around this date, I take myself back to where I was and what I was doing before this. It’s not pretty and I don’t do it to condemn myself but I do it so I never, ever forget the depths that my gracious God pulled me out of. The last few days before I surrendered my life to Christ were filled with drunkeness, sin, shame, despair, depression, guilt and so much more. About 9 months prior to this, I was in the hospital hooked up to life support machines to breathe for me since I couldn’t do it my own. How does a person get to that point of desperation that the only way out is to take a bottle of pills with a bottle of liquor and hope they never wake up? I can’t even believe that was me 7 years ago. It’s almost surreal because I don’t think I have ever been happier than I am today. To think that the enemies plans for my life almost succeeded but because I am so loved by my Creator that God chose me before time began and has called me for such a time as this. Boggles my mind!
As I look back on another incredible year, I see God’s hand and goodness all over my life. Another year in Bible college, going to Africa last summer, bringing my family closer together, paying off more debt, a new job, great friends who love me, brokeness at the sins in my life, greater faith, another year walking in purity, learning that I am a princess, a new church and a godly man who thinks I am “drop dead gorgeous.” There is so much more but those are a few highlights. I know this next year will be even more amazing than the past one although to think that my life will get better just blows my mind.
I am going to go dig up my old journals and will try to post some of my entries from around the time of my salvation. It’s always heart wrenching to read about my past but on the same note, so fantastic because I am the result of someone who has been chosen, forgiven, redeemed, cleansed, loved and set free and for that, I will always be forever grateful.
Thank you Jesus for loving me when no one else did. Thank you that before time began, my name was engraved on your hand. A hand that was pierced for me and my sins. Thank you for making me the apple of your eye. Thank you for loving me with an everlasting love. Thank you for setting my heart free. Thank you for taking my mustard seed sized faith and growing it up to where I believe you will move any mountain for me. Thank you that although I am stained crimson, you see me in a white robe. Thank you for making me your bride. Thank you that you are restoring to me what the locusts have eaten. Thank you for taking me out of the mud and mire and setting my feet upon the Rock. Thank you for being the lifter of my head. Thank you that my sins are forgiven from as far as the East is from the West. Thank you that your plans are to prosper me and not to harm me. Thank you that you are loving to me. Thank you for hearing my cries for mercy. Thank you for disciplining me because you love me. Thank you that you are close to the brokenhearted. Thank you that I have been called according to your purpose. Thank you that you are slow to anger and abounding in love. Thank you for creating my inmost being. Thank you that you have ordained all my days. Thank you that you keep no record of my wrongs. Thank you that you never sleep or slumber but always watch over me. Thank you that your mercies and compassion are new every day. Thank you Jesus, for the Cross.
I was reading in Acts 16 yesterday morning and for some reason, I can’t get it off my mind. Paul and Silas has just been severely flogged and thrown into a prison in Philippi and they were praying and singing hymns to God. Every time I read that, I am dumbfounded. If I had just been beaten and severely at that, I think I would be whining and complaining because they really did nothing wrong. Yet, here were these 2 godly men, with their feet in stocks in the inner cell singing their hearts out to God. It’s interesting that we are told the prisoners were listening to them because whether we want to believe it or not, people are always watching us. They want to see if we walk our talk and as I have said so many times, we often fail. The story goes on to say that their was suddenly a violent earthquake and all the prison doors flew open. When the prison guard saw this, he drew his sword to kill himself because he thought all the prisoners had escaped but Paul yells, “don’t harm yourself, we are all here.” The next statement the guard is asking them what must he do to be saved. Unbelievable! As I was thinking about this yesterday and today, it struck me that this guard asked them about salvation, not the other way around. Could you imagine if our lives reflected Jesus and our love for God so much that people would stop us and ask us, “what must I do to be saved?” I imagine the guard probably thought Paul and Silas to be crazy. They has just been beaten and they were singing to God!! I can hear them singing, Amazing Grace, how sweet the sound, that saved a wretch like me. Wow. I continued to read the rest of the chapter and not only did the prison guards whole family come to know the Lord, but Paul and Silas actually went to their friend Lydia’s house once they got out. It says they met with the brothers and encouraged them. The last thing I think I would want to do after I had been beaten and up all night was go to someone’s house to encourage them! I would have wanted a bed STAT and about 12 hours of sleep. I was really challenged by this but also encouraged. It seems like most of my testing comes when I am at my weakest and tired and to know that God gave these 2 men spiritual strength to do what He called them to do reminds me that He will do the same for me. All I have to do is allow Him to do it!
Vacation was great. I am definitely going to be taking more time off in the future. Relaxing and playing are such an important part of life and necessary. I had a blast with my nieces and nephews at the beach and although I didn’t get a whole lot of sleep, it was worth it. My 3 year old niece slept with me most nights and she is the wiggliest thing. All night long she tosses and turns and almost pushed me out of bed a few times! She is used to falling asleep with music on but we didn’t have it so she asked me to sing her a song. I sang the Revelation Song and there is a part that goes, “Holy, holy, holy, is the Lord God Almighty, who was and is and is to come.” She was so adorable and asked me what holy holy means. I shared about God with her and she was really listening to me. The next night we were all snuggly in bed again and she laid her little hand on my cheek and asked me to sing the holy holy song again. It melted me!
We walked the boardwalk and I finally got to eat funnel cake, yummy! We caught frogs by the lake (well, I confess the kids caught them, I watched). I did touch one though! Yuck. We made s’mores in the fire pit and danced to MC Hammer in the yard. The kids were cracking up as I was busting my move and getting my groove on.
I am glad to be home because I missed this really cute guy and although we talked everyday, it’s just not the same. We texted so much that my little 7 year old niece would ask me every five minutes, Auntie Rachel, what did he say??? I cracked up. She would go boogie board in the ocean and as soon as she came out of the water, she would ask me if he texted me. Funny girl.
Life is good. I am so blessed and thank God every day for my new life He has given me. I can’t believe that in 9 days, it will be my 7th birthday as a new creation in Christ. July 14, 2001 was the best day of my life and I am constantly amazed at how much the Lord loves me. God continually pours out his blessings on me and once again I stand in awe of Him.
Finally, a vacation. I am so excited because we are going to the beach soon and I can’t wait to feel the sand between my toes and the sun on my face. I came down with family and my nieces and nephews are so excited. Last night they were so wound up they couldn’t fall asleep, which of course kept me up! I doubt I will get to take a nap on the beach as the kids already have the whole planned on what I am doing and when I am doing it! Bossy little things.
It was a long day of driving yesterday and when we finally arrived to the beach, I was singing and praising God and my 7 year old niece asked me what I was singing. I was listening to Casting Crowns when we pulled in so I was singing that song the woman singer sings. I think it’s called “I know you’re there.” It goes, “I know you’re there, I know you hear me, you are the air I breathe, you are wind beneath me.” I think that’s how it goes, anyways, that’s how I was singing it. My niece said you are singing about Jesus right? I was like woah, yeah I am. She then told me that when you breathe in Jesus, it goes into your heart and makes you feel really good. I was blown away, she is 7 and just finished vacation Bible school so I guess her little spirit is feeling sensitive to the Lord. It was the coolest thing.
There are days when I am totally astounded at the things the Lord is doing in my life. Just when I think life can’t get any better, it does! I received an incredible blessing yesterday and as I was thanking God, I kept asking Him, over and over, why me Lord? My life so full of joy and peace when there are so many others who are hurting so badly. I can’t help but be awed by it. Several years ago a friend told me that God has His hand on me and has shown me favor and at that time, I didn’t really get it. I know He has His hand on all of us but I really feel it. I am beginning to understand the truth in that statement. And just so you know, that certainly doesn’t mean my life is easy, perfect or without trials. It means knowing the Lord is there with me every step of the way and with every breath I take and that He has absolute control of my life. There is a comfort and security in knowing that He is sovereign and that all the days of my life have been ordained from the beginning of time. In Jeremiah 1, it says before I formed you, I knew you. The Hebrew word that is used for “knew” is an intimate knowing. Can you imagine? The Creator of the universe knowing us intimately? To know that He spent time forming us and giving us each certain gifts and characteristics and our personalities. I know that some of that comes from our experiences and upbringing but I like to think He gave me my wacky sense of humor!
I am so excited to be going on vacation tomorrow. I haven’t had one in about 5 years and I need it desperately. I was going to go back to Africa in on a mission trip and I really felt like God did not want me to go. I argued for about 4 months with Him, which doesn’t even make sense since He always wins! I sought wisdom from several people because I really, really wanted to go and I had so many people tell me not to. I am very thankful now because although I am a missions junkie, you can’t give what you ain’t got. I am tired. I need to be rejuvenated and I am so looking forward to some time at the beach with my brother, sister in law and their 4 kids. I know you must be thinking how can you rest with 4 kids!! I can because I am the Auntie and all I have to do is play. I am so grateful for them and that I see them all the time because they bring incredible joy to my life.
So I will be out of the blogosphere for a week or so. I am sure I will have lots to blog about when I get back and lots of pictures to post.
Today was an incredible day because I woke up loved, forgiven and adored by my Creator. Even when I am an idiot, God loves me. I went to the dentist today and after the dentist filled in a few cavities, the assistant came in and was showing me the proper way to floss my teeth. (That should be an entire blog on its own!) Anyways, that was my 3rd trip to this dentist, who by the way, was my childhood dentist, and everytime I am there, I sense an immense sadness in this woman. I don’t get to talk to her too much because the dentist’s hands are usually in my mouth along with some other weird stuff that I am glad I can’t see! Anyways, everytime I pay and make my next appointment, she starts talking to me and I just want to get out of there and go home. Today was no different. I was hungry, tired, emotionally drained and I was going to hit rush hour traffic! So, after she teaches me how to floss, she breaks out a toothbrush and I am thinking to myself, “are you kidding me?” She touches the brush to my teeth and told me to avoid the gumline so I wouldn’t ruin my gums any more than I have already done. I told her that the problem was that I used to be a drug addict and an alcoholic so that’s what the problem was. She looked up at me with those sad eyes and said, “are you kidding me? You have your act together now, what happened?” I was so torn, half of me wanted to go home and the other half was telling me this girl needs hope. I had a copy of my testimony in the car, which was parked pretty far away and I really did not feel like walking out to get it for her. I rationalized that I would see her in a few weeks and I would bring it in then but the Lord would not relent. I feel ashamed to write that but all I wanted was some time for myself and to get home. After all, I earned it right??? Wrong! I immediately thought of Jesus trying to get alone and get some space and people still followed Him. He didn’t tell them to go home because He was tired and He needed a break. He was moved by compassion and out of love for people, He helped them.
Anyways, I told her that I had been sober for 7 years and she told me she had been sober for 21 years but was struggling with depression. I told her that I was not only sober, I was a Christian and because of that, I have a joy that comes only from knowing Christ. She had tears in her eyes and told me she didn’t know about the whole Christian thing so I shared some of my testimony with her. I told her how I used to struggle with depression, suicide and despair and the tears kept streaming down her face. This woman has no idea that she was created in the image of God and that He loves her so much. I was praying the whole time I was talking to her because sometimes I get so fired up and want to tell her everything about the Lord and the Bible but once again, God shut my mouth. I told her I had a CD of what God did in my life in the car for her and went out and got it. I gave it to her with my card and phone number and told her to call me after she listened to it. I have no idea if she will but I will pray like crazy for her. Her name is Donna so if you are reading this, please pray for her too.
I write this not out of condemnation for myself but out of a realization of my desperate need for God. Left to myself, I will think only of myself. To think that I would allow a 28 second walk interfere with Gods’ plan of salvation in this woman’s life is something I don’t want to repeat. On my way home, the song I blogged about the other day came on the radio and I knew that Donna needed to here it so I need to take it to her. I was listening to these words and I saw her as Christ sees her, hurting and feeling like she is alone, but she is not alone…and I am going to tell her.
You’re not alone
for I am here
let me wipe away your every fear
My love, I’ve never left your side
I have seen you through your darkest nights
Your darkest nights
And I’m the one that’s loved you all your life
All of your life
Well today was a very heavy heart day and I was going to write about it but it is already past my bedtime and my brain is once again short circuiting. I wanted to end it on a positive note so I will talk about my second favorite ‘C’ in my famous 4C Creed that I live my life by. Oh, you don’t know about my famous 4C creed?? It’s what I can’t live without: Christ, coffee, chocolate and chapstick! So obviously coffee comes AFTER Christ.
You Might Be a Coffee Addict if… (and by the way, I can quit any time I want to!)* Starbucks has decided to use you as their official mascot.
* You’ve ever carried your coffee cup into the shower with you in the morning. (is this wrong???)
* You regard the fact that your hands are shaking as a good sign. (it’s how I get my exercise!)
* You go to sleep just to wake up and smell the coffee. (like I am getting ready to do)
* Your coffee pot is next to your bed and your alarm clock is in the kitchen. (hellooooo)
* You’ve ever used the airplane’s Call button just to get a coffee refill. (isn’t that what I’m supposed to do??)
* You can’t remember the last time you blinked.
* The dishes in your house are all coffee cups. (I do have 3 plates… and tupperware)
* You could live in a desert like a hermit, eating bugs for food, as long as you had enough coffee beans with you
Praise God I made it didn’t kill me yet but tonight was a close call. I made it through the first chapter of Systematic Theology! The joys of learning about the Cosmological, Teleological and Ontological Arguments for God’s existence. Interesting…NOT! It is but not after working all day, I thought my brain was going to explode. Why, I ask once again, do I need to know this??? I am so looking forward to chapter 2 which covers the supernatural preconditions of miracles. I did learn a few cool things about the universe that can only be explained by God, Creator of EVERYTHING! Unfortunately, the flash drive to my brain is not computing any more data and the memory is full. The only way I know to recharge it is to put my PJs on and go to bed.
This morning I was reading through one of my Bible studies, A Woman of Excellence and I came across something that I wanted to share. If you know me at all you would know that I absolutely love words. I love reading phrases and quotes. Anyways one of my favorite authors is AW Tozer and here is a quote from the book, “We must practive the art of long and loving meditation upon the majesty of God. This will take some effort, for the concept of majesty has all but disappeared from the human race.”
How sad but so true. In our society it is so easy to get and stay distracted. We are constantly on the go and if you are like me, you like to be entertained. Last night, after a very heavy rainstorm, I went outside to put the dogs away for the night and I saw the full moon. I live out in the country and it is so beautiful and peaceful and quiet. I was watching the clouds go by the moon and it was kind of eerie looking but so cool. The crickets and other insects were making little love noises to each other and the air had such an incredible smell. I know that must sound like I am nuts, but I think this is what AW Tozer was writing about. I was thanking God for His creativity and how He made everything so different and special. I can’t help but think of Psalm 19 when I am getting my Creation fix. Anyways, I walk up to the garage feeling all spiritual and close to God and as I opened up the door to let the dogs in, a big fat frog jumped over my feet! Talk about freaking out. I may have actually screamed because it caught me so off guard. The moment was gone. I was focused on keeping the dog from head butting the frog and off of me. Funny how things change in the wink of an eye.
As I drove to church this morning, I was wondering if I would hear a message that would only be applicable to fathers and I was happy and encouraged that it was for everyone. Although the basis was for dads, I think that everything that was said can be applied to anyone’s life, single, married, children or no children. I have heard messages before on leaving a godly legacy for your children and it used to make me sad to think that I don’t have kids to raise to love and serve God. I can, however, still leave a godly legacy. For my brothers, my mom, my nieces and nephews and even my friends. I can still have an impact on the people I love and I hope and pray that years and years down the road, someone will bring up my name and talk about how God not only redeemed me but how he restored me as well. I hope the stories are stories of faith that I have shared with them and stories of how I really believed that if I asked God to move a mountain, He would do it. Either that or He would help me to climb over it or make is split right in two so I could walk right through it.
As I was driving home I was thinking about being alone today and this song came on the radio that I have never heard before. It was incredible and the words were so tender that I can almost hear God singing them over me as it says in Zephaniah 3:17, “The Lord your God is with you, He is mighty to save. He will take great delight in you, He will quiet you with His love, He will rejoice over you with singing.” To think the God of the universe delights in me enough to sing over me is utterly amazing. I found the song on You Tube and listened to it again and so I dedicate this song to all my friends without their daddies today.
It never fails. Every year around Father’s Day there is a deep sadness I feel in my heart. Words can’t really describe it and although I am grateful that I have a new Father now, it still hurts. Growing up with 3 different dads you would think that at least one of them would have seen me as a little princess but for reasons only known to God, it didn’t happen. Looking back on my life, I can definitely see the areas of my life that were deeply affected by a lack of a father’s love and my life before Christ certainly proved what psychologists have been saying since the beginning of time, little girls need their daddies. If they are not loved by their fathers they will seek that love as they grow up. They will have a daddy shaped hole in their heart and they will look to other men to fill it and the results are disastrous. What is even more amazing is that God created us with a hole in our hearts as well that only He could fill. I realize that now, years after trying to fill it with everything else from drugs to alcohol to relationships. Even though at times, I feel the sadness of not having a father love me or speak tenderly to me, I know that I now have the best, most lovable Father anyone could ever want or imagine. He loves me in spite of myself and so perfectly in a way no other human being on earth can. His love and motives are pure. His love, totally unconditional. How amazing is that?! Romans 5:8 says “while I was a sinner, Christ gave His life for me!” Not after I got my act together! (He knew that would never happen!) So instead, of feeling sadness, I will choose to bask in my heavenly presence and love for me. I wrote a few of my Scriptures below that I have stored up in my heart and when I start doubting my worth or feel that longing in my heart, I say these over and over. In the book of Psalms, it says “God sent forth His Word and healed them” and I can honestly say, that His Word has healed my heart. I sometimes will stand in front of a mirror and repeat these verses over and over to myself.
Iam created in His image
I am fearfully and wonderfully made
I am the apple of His eye
He sings songs over me and delights in me
His love for me is as high as the heavens
His compassion and mercies are new for me everyday
He knows how many hairs are on my head
He knows what I need before I even ask
My name is written on His heart
No one can snatch me from His hand
He upholds me with His righteous right hand
He rescues me because He delights in me
He redeems my life from the pit
He restores to me what the locusts have eaten
He gave me a new heart
He put a new song in my mouth
He loves me with an everlasting love
He is close to me when I am broken hearted
He always watches over me and does not sleep
He is always with me
He is the lover of my soul
I am His beloved
I am His Bride!
In the famous words of myself, Oh mylanta! I have been doing homework for the last few hours and my brain is most certainly going to explode. Why oh why do I need to know about pantheism, metaphysics and the cosmological and ontological argument for my bachelors degree?!?!?!?! Who invented systematic theology anyways because if I find him, I’m gonna whop him on his head. I love reading the Bible so why can’t I just read it and use my school book as a foot stool in my bathroom?? I can’t even look in my mirror without standing on my tippie toes anyways.
ok, I feel better whining a little although I just recalled that I am supposed to do everything without complaining or grumbling. Pppffft phooooey
So I get my Systematic Theology book in the mail Saturday and could barely carry it in by myself it was so heavy! It has to be a good 2 1/2 inches tall and I looked through it and decided that I wasn’t quite ready to start learning about metaphysical precondition or theism or the anthropic principle so I got in the pool instead! I am off to a great start! So right now, I should be reading the thing but instead I am blogging. My other book for my class on Biblical Worldview didn’t come yet so I guess I can put that one off for a little while. I did however get the questions emailed to me by my advisor and right off the back I have to write a 5 page paper on my worldview as I know it based on the Bible or what I have been taught about Christian principles. That might actually be fun because it helps me to remember why I have been set apart. I have only 5 classes left including these 2 and I am praying that I can get them all done by the end of the year. I am thinking I am not going to go for my masters unless I get a really, really, really, really clear audible message from God telling me I should! Just kidding but I don’t think I could write a thesis at this point in my life.
On another totally different note, this season of praise I am in has me really listening to the words of a lot of songs. Have you ever just sang along and not really thought about what you were singing and then all of sudden, it’s like a light bulb goes off in your head and you realize what you are singing? It just happened to me a little while ago. I was driving home from work and the song Majesty, (Here I Am) came on the radio and the words really penetrated my heart for some reason. The chorus especially where they sing:
Majesty, Majesty
Your grace has found me just as I am
Empty handed, but alive in your hands
Majesty, Majesty
Forever I am changed by your love
In the presence of your Majesty
Isn’t it marvelous to be empty handed and have absolutely nothing to give but because of Christ’s incredible love for us, we have everything we need!! I am so glad we have worship music and so many talented musicians. Ok, I guess I have rambled enough. Homework, here I come.
I have been praying for a very long time about writing a book but it seems like I can never find the time to get started on it. I want to write about my testimony and how much my life has changed since I surrendered wholeheartedly to Christ. I have some really cool ideas and one of them is to have parts of my journal in it from before I became a Christian. It shows how hopeless and full of despair I was and I want to share the hope that I received to others who may be hurting like I was. Every now and again I pull out the old journals and I am amazed at how different my life is now. I still have struggles and trials but I now have someone with me every step of the way. Someone who loved me when no one else did, someone who loves me with a perfect and everlasting love.
I am now praying about writing a devotional and I have started putting it together from some of the devotions I have written on this blog. I love sharing my life in Christ and the lessons I am learning and if any of it can help someone to have a deeper walk with the Lord or learn from my mistakes, challenges and trials then it will be worth it. Jesus taught using parables and I think it helps us to hear stories and see how Scripture can be applied to everything in our lives.
A couple of my friends and I went to a singles’ event this past week and I wanted to jot down some of the things the pastor said. His message focused on our expectations as single adults and how we can be dissapointed and even angry at God for Him not bringing us a spouse. He said we may be wondering what’s going on and something that struck me as he was speaking was a question he asked, “have we possible stepped out of God’s will.” He then went on to talk about Luke 6:46 where Jesus asks the people, “why do you call me Lord, Lord and do not do what I say?” I love that about Jesus, He just gets right to the point and He always asks questions. A pastor I know uses a great illustration to describe this. He holds up a cup and then explains how God wants to pour so many blessings into it but if we are not situated properly underneath the cup, the blessings will not end up in it because we are outside of God’s will.
We are called not only to listen but to obey as well. In the first chapter of James it talks about listening and doing and then being blessed by obedience. I am in no way stating here that if you obey God you will get your man (or woman for that matter), what I am suggesting is that maybe we have put seeking a mate above seeking God. The pastor went on to talk about our trust in Christ and asked us if we trust Him enough. Enough to obey and put our lives on the line for Him? I pray that He gives me strength because there is no way I can obey Him without the continual filling of the Holy Spirit. I know He has given me the grace I need to be in the season of singleness I am in now and although I desire to be married, I love the season of praise I am in now.
On another note, I think I will pass on these singles’ events in the future. Talk about pressure! Everyone is staring at everyone else and although I know you need to be around people to meet people, this is not my idea of fun. I felt like such a dork just standing around but it was kind of fun to watch people. I know God is not going to bring me someone at my door via Fed Ex but I have to believe He is sovereign and that He has a plan for my life and that He hears my prayers. I made up a list of character qualities from the Bible a few years ago that I want my mate to have. I gave a copy of it to a few of my friends so they can hold me accountable to stick to it. I don’t want to meet someone in a crowd who is simply attracted to my outer self. I want someone to be attracted to my inner beauty and see my love for the Lord and I want to be prayed for. I know that may sound weird but I want to know that someone didn’t just walk up and ask me out but that he sought the Lord and prayed over me. (It could be the reason I am still single!!) Proverbs 31 says, “charm is deceptive and beauty is fleeting, but a woman who fears the Lord will be praised.”
I can’t believe how much love I have for my Lord Jesus. The very thought of being completely surrendered to Him just amazes me. It must be a gift from God because I never learned what love was like growing up. To be able to feel and know how much He loves me is even more incredible. I know I have been writing a lot about this but I really love this season of praise I am in. I have been listening to worship music and singing at the top of my lungs and I do get some weird looks when I am driving. I can’t help it if I wave my arms in the air in my car!!
Anyways, we sang this song in church this Sunday and I almost couldn’t even sing it because I was trying to not bawl my eyes out. Is it just me or do you sometimes get so overcome by emotion when you are singing to the Lord? We sang the Revelation song by Kari Jobe and I will put some of the lyrics here. You have to listen to the song though because the words don’t do the song justice.
Holy, Holy, Holy Is the Lord God Almighty Who was, and is, and is to come With all creation I sing Praise to the King of Kings You are my everything And I will adore You
I was cleaning like crazy this morning and decided I wanted to move one of my bookshelves. As I started taking the books off the shelf, I came across several of my old journals. I really wish I would journal more because I really enjoyed reading about my life 3 years ago and it gave me a peek into what was going on in my heart. I know I blog alot but it’s not the same, since I know this is on the internet for all to see. Journaling is more personal since it’s for my eyes only. I wanted to post one of the days that I wrote in Sept 2005.
Read John 2:12-25 this morning, “When it was almost time for the Jewish Passover, Jesus went up to Jerusalem. In the temple courts He found men selling cattle, sheep and doves, and others sitting at tables exchanging money. So he made a whip out of cords, and drove all from the temple area, both sheep and cattle; he scattered the coins of the money changers and overturned their tables. To those who sold doves He said, ‘Get these out of here!How dare you turn my Father’s house into a market!’Then the Jews demanded of Him, ‘what miraculous sign can you show us to prove your authority to do all this?’Jesus answered them, ‘Destroy this temple, and I will raise it again in three days.’”
I usually read this part of Scripture and focus on Jesus being angry. Instead I was pondering how we want proof and to see miracles in order to believe. It’s sometimes easier to focus on these “miracles” instead of doing the hard part which is to live by faith, not by sight. We ask for signs from the Lord because we want to “know.” We want to have that warm and fuzzy feeling instead of standing on God’s promises. I pray my faith might increase. I pray that I would be so attuned to the voice of the Lord. Help me to believe that You have my best always.
It’s funny how what I wrote 3 years ago and still applies today. I need to stand on God’s promises, I need to wait on Him. I feel like all I do is wait but I know that one day, my eyes will opened to His plan and I will be so blown away!
I took a few semesters off from school and just started up again. I am excited because I only have 6 more classes to take to get my bachelor’s in theology (in missions and evangelism). I have some hard ones to take (systematic theology, apologetics) so I don’t know if I will take 2 or 3 classes each semester. I kind of just want to hurry up and finish but I also need to have some fun, especially with summer here. I don’t want to spend all my time doing homework which amounts to around 20 hours each week. The first 2 years I did nothing but homework and it burned me out. I stopped going out with my friends and didn’t date and pretty much just studied and I don’t want to miss another year of my life. I ain’t no spring chicken! I have been praying as well about whether or not to get my masters in missiology and since I would be in an accelerated program, I only have to take 10 more classes and write a thesis. I just don’t know. I don’t even know what I would do with it.
When I first started Bible college I was working at my church and doing fulltime ministry but since I left, I am not sure why I would need it although no matter where I go, I am still in ministry! I also thought I would be living in Africa one day as a missionary but after praying about it for a few years, I feel like God is calling me to equip and send people instead. I would love to be a part of a missions organization and train people to go and plant and establish churches all over the world. I, of course, would then get to go as well to follow up and I would love to be able to minister and encourage the missionaries. I am working on becoming debt free and will hopefully be in about a year or so. I don’t want to be tied down to material things and have to work the rest of my life so I can have “stuff.” I would love to not have to work at all and be able to volunteer my time to church and teach Bible studies and help people grow closer to God. Maybe one day. I trust God with my life and I know He has an incredible plan for it. For the last few days, I have heard that statement over and over by several people and although I know God has an incredible plan for all His children, it’s still encouraging to hear it.
I love what it says in Jeremiah 29:11-13, “I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Then, you will call upon me and come and pray to me and I will listen to you. You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart.”
After much prayer and agonizing, I have decided to not go to Africa in September. I have been going back and forth and praying about whether or not it was God’s will for me to go but I recently got confirmation that it wasn’t. I always think in my mind that to go on mission trips must always be God’s will, after all He said go, right? But the more I prayed the more I realized that although I wanted so desperately to go back, it wasn’t in His timing for me. This will be the first year I haven’t gone overseas and although it saddens me, it also excites me because I know the Lord will continue to fuel the fire in me and that He must have something so big in store for me.
I am looking forward to a real vacation and am going to the beach with my brother, sister in law and my nieces and nephews!! I used to go every year with them but not for the last 4-5 years and I am so looking forward to it. We have so much fun and I can’t wait to feel the sand between my toes and the sun on my face.
On a side note, since I can’t go to Africa, I decided to sponsor another litlle girl in Swaziland. She is so beautiful and her hair sticks straight up in the air! It is such an incredible feeling to know that there are 3 little girls out there who are able to eat, go to school and learn about Jesus because I sponsor them. I was talking to a coworker today and she sponsors one in Peru and she asked me how much of a difference it makes. It is such a small amount to us, but to people in third world countries, it may as well be millions of dollars. I told her that her little boy will get an education, become a Christian and change his part of the world. His entire family also benefits so it’s not just his life she has rescued. Child sponsorship is an incredible way to give back part of what the Lord gives us. Think about it. What if one of my girls in Africa invents the cure for HIV or Malaria? What if she grows up and becomes a teacher and shares Christ with all her students? She will have an impact on her country, more than I could ever have. What if my little girl in India ends up being like the missionary Amy Carmichael who rescued so many little girls from being sold to temples as prostitutes? The possibilities are endless! If you don’t like the world you’re living in, then change it! Can I, just one person, change the world? You bet, I am changing the world…one life at a time.
I was planning on writing about a Bible study I have been doing on the Tabernacle. It has been one of the most fascinating studies I have ever done. I used to shy away from the Old Testament because I didn’t understand it and I thought it wasn’t as important as the New Testament. I fell in love with the OT when I had to take a survery of it for a class in school. I was amazed to find out everything in the OT points to Jesus in the NT.
Anyways, I was going to write about the Tabernacle and as I was looking something up, I came across Deuteronomy 23:14, “The Lord your God moves about in your camp to protect you and to deliver your enemies to you. Your camp must be holy, so that He will not see among you anything indecent and turn away from you.” As I read it, I felt like God was speaking to me and it really cut to my heart. The Lord also says, “be holy for I am holy.” Not only are we to be holy, our entire camp is to be holy. Set apart. In the world, but not of the world. And the last part of the verse about God turning away from us, that is a very sobering thought. I know we are filled with His Spirit and sealed and all that but to think that if there is anything indecent among us, He will actually turn away from us. It reminds me of Psalm 51 that David wrote after he was confronted with his sin with Bathsheba from the prophet Nathan. David cried out, “Do not cast me from your presence or take your Holy Spirit from me.” How David must have felt to write that. I think we sometimes think that we can’t feel God’s presence or we may even think His Spirit has left us like King Saul but the truth of the matter is that we have to examine ourselves very carefully. What is in our camp? Is there something indecent among us? Is it because of something we are doing that is keeping God’s presence from us?
I pray that if there is, the Lord would reveal it to me. The challenge is in hearing it. I usually don’t have to ask twice! I am so glad that His mercies are new every day. I am so glad that if we confess our sins, He is faithful and just to not only forgive us but to also cleanse us from ALL unrighteousness. I am so grateful that although my sins are like scarlet, I am made new, like freshly fallen snow. I am once again, in absolute awe of my Creator.
As I was driving into work this morning, I had a little worship service in my car. I was listening to my fake ipod with my favorite worship tunes on it and pondering the things of God, like creation. The trees, flowers, leaves, the cows and sheep I pass everyday. I know I am always talking about how much I dig creation but as my very good friend LaToya says, it’s my love language with God. It really is and so is worship so the two together is absolutely incredible. I was singing my heart out and praising God for who He is and what He has done in my life, which is miraculous. It made me think of something I read recently and it has been in my heart for days now. One simple sentence yet so profound. “Awe precedes faith.” Read that again, “Awe precedes faith.” It reminds me of being a kid on Christmas morning and waking up with such enthusiasm and expectation of what my present would be. That feeling of excitement, the build up days before and more so on Christmas Eve. Not being able to sleep. Could you imagine if we woke up every day in anticipation of what God would do to and through us? If we would just wait on Him and listen to that still small voice He speaks to us so often with. What would our faith look like? What would our actions look like? Are we in awe of our Maker? I pray that I would never, ever get complacent in my faith. I want to be in a constant state of awe. I want Him to show me things that I can’t even imagine. Awe. 3 letters but it carries the weight of so many more. When was the last time you were in awe of who Christ is and what He has done for you?
This Sunday I went to a different church that I have been visiting lately and we sang a song that I hadn’t heard in a long time. It moved me to tears and I really felt the presence of God and it was almost overwhelming. I love it when that happens and I sometimes wish it would happen more often but I don’t think I could handle it. It’s almost too glorious if that makes sense! Anyways, the song is Be Unto Your Name. Putting the lyrics here would not do the song justice so I found it on youtube. Listen to the words and take a minute and think about everything the Lord has done for you and everything He has forgiven you for. Amazing, utterly amazing.
I am going on my 5th week recuperting from pleurisy and I gotta tell you, it ain’t been fun. For the last month I have been on 4 different meds and I was doing really well until last week. I don’t know what the deal is. Every time I take a breath, which is pretty often, I feel this stabbing pain in my chest and my left lung. I went back to the doctor again last week and she told me once again how long it takes to heal from this. She said the lungs take a very long time to heal because they never get a break. I have been on some heavy duty pain killers but they make me talk incessantly (yes, even more than I already talk!) and they make me goofy so I am not going to take them anymore. She told me to try Tylenol and see if that helps. She also put me on the steroid pack and said hopefully that will get the inflammation in my lung down. If it doesn’t help then I have to have a CT scan.
I am so frustrated because it is so beautiful outside and I am raring to start working out again. It feels like it has been forever but she said I could do no excercise that will make me breathe deep. Well, that cancels everything! I tried to some Tai Chi this morning but that wasn’t a good idea!
I am frustrated as I feel like I have been battling physical issues for so long. First all the knee surgeries (4 of them) which praise God is doing much better. The partial knee replacement is holding up well and when the pain came back several months ago, I realized I was working out too hard. My doctor scolded me and reminded me that I could not do step aerobics with an artificial knee and gave me a shot of cortisone in it which helped. Party pooper!
I know the Lord has a plan in all this and I can already see that I have become more compassionate and empathetic towards people with physical ailments. I used to just think in my mind, get over it already but now am realizing that our bodies are defintely wasting away! I can’t wait to get to heaven, although I am in no rush to get there! Perfect bodies, streets made of chocolate…. I mean gold………
I love coming home from work and finding a letter from one of my child sponsors. I am avid supporter of World Vision and sponsor 2 beautiful little girls. One in India named Nakshatra and Ntombikayise in Africa. It is with such joy that I write letters and send them little things. I get a report card each year on their grades in school and their health and an updated picture. It is exciting and encouraging that amongst all the poverty, these 2 little girls are getting bigger and bigger! Ntombikayise or Tombi as I call her, is a Hope Child because she is in an area where AIDS/HIV is rampant. I pray I get to meet both of them someday.
Here is the letter from Tombi:
I am very glad to receive a letter coming from you. I think God is with you as He has done to me. God keeps on doing great things for me. I am very happy to receive a purse, pen, stickers and a card. May God bless you. I will use the pen when writing my school work. Your gift makes me to have a feeling of you and I need to see you as time goes on. I think God will continue blessing you are your family. Thank you.
Isn’t that great? It warms my heart so much and I love how she writes and uses grammar. Would you consider sponsoring a child today? Is $30 a month too much to ask to save a life? My girls not only get to eat and have shelter, they are getting an education that will allow them to grow up and become something and change their country. They are also learning about God and Jesus Christ, how cool is that? Please pray and ask the Lord if He would have you sponsor a child. Click on this link and be a world changer today!
I am reading The Best of A.W. Tozer and he most defintely is one of my favorite authors. I love to read books that challenge me to live a life worthy of Christ. I need all the help I can get! Here are a few excerpts:
The pursuit of God will embrace the labor of bringing our total personality into conformity to His. I speak of a voluntary exalting of God to His proper station over us and a willing surrender of our whole being to the place of worshipful submission… The moment we make up our minds that we are going on with this determination to exalt God over all we step out of the world’s parade. Let the average man be put to the proof on the question of who is above, and his true position will be exposed. Let him be forced into making a choice between God and personal ambition, God and self, God and human love and God will take second place every time. However the man may protest, the proof is in the choices he makes day after day.
Good stuff! It made me remember what a pastor said one day, “look in your checkbook and you will see where your heart and treasure is.” He challenged us to add up where our money went for an entire month, which I did. It was very disheartening to say the least!
It is so hard in our culture to see our time, talents and treasures as belonging to God 100%. He has blessed us so that we can help Him to fulfill the Great Commission. Obviously, it’s not a matter of God needing these things, it’s a matter of where our heart is. What is important to us? When we make a purchase do we stop and think to ourselves, “this belongs to the Lord, am I spending it in the best way?” I am cringing even as I write this. When someone asks us to serve somewhere, is our immediate response a grumbling in our heart? Do we think to ourselves, “I am too busy for this!” Unfortunately at times, this is my response. I get so caught up in me that I forget my main purpose in life is to glorify my Creator and be a vessel that He can use.
Another great excercise to see where your heart is, is to add up your hours of where you spend your time. I spoke at our singles retreat a while ago and the subject was being a fully devoted follower of Christ. I made up a little spreadsheet so everyone could log where their time went. It was a hard excercise because like AW Tozer writes, the proof is in the choices we make every day. How much time to we spend on ourselves? At the gym or the beauty salon or getting our nails done? Those are not bad things to do but the challenge is this, of our time, how much is spent on us versus the things of God?
The point of these excercises is not to condemn but to help us to be aware of our choices. The pursuit of God requires us to make choices every day. It requires us to pick up our cross every day. It requires us to love the unlovely, give when we don’t want to, get off the throne and put God back on, give freely of ourselves, put others above us and the list goes on and on.
What will you do for Jesus today?
Being “Auntie Rachel” is one of my most favorite things in the world to be. I love when I walk into my brothers house and all 4 of the kids come running towards me yelling, “Auntie Rachel, Auntie Rachel!” I love spending time with these munchkins and they are definitely the highlight of my life. Alana, the one with the soccer ball, just started playing soccer and she is pretty good at it. She has really long legs and runs like a gazelle. It’s funny watching kids play though because I am not convinced they know what their supposed to be doing. Today, one of her teammates kicked the ball towards the wrong goal, twice! It’s still fun to watch though!
I get to babysit them tomorrow night again and am looking forward to it. We always have fun but they wear me out. I am so used to having a very quiet house and their house is very, very noisy. They all try to talk to me at the same time too so that’s kind of hard!
I am going to go on vacation with them this summer to the beach and am looking forward to that too. I am so grateful for my brother and my sister in law for having 4 kids because I can’t imagine my life without them. One of my deepest regrets is not having children and even though people tell me I still can, I am not convinced that that’s what God has for me. I can settle for being the Auntie though. At least for now.
Do you ever wake up so excited to see what the Lord will do in and through you? I wake up every morning thanking God for different blessings in my life and it is such a great way to start the day. Some days I simply thank Him for the eyes He gave me to see, the legs that allow me to walk or the fingers that allow me to type this. Seem strange? Maybe, but I don’t ever want to take the Lord for granted. Anyways, with Spring here I wake up so energized and ready to face the day. (well, after my coffee of course!) When I open my doors and go outside and the smell of daffodils and tulips hit me, the beauty of creation once again blows me away. I love how God is so creative and how He makes everything beautiful. The yard is so green and I am really feeling the need to kick off my shoes and run barefoot through it. (Note to self, pick up doggie poop first!)
Anyways, no major spiritual discussion today, just loving my Creator and enjoying the day. I am going to go outside while it’s it still light outside and swing on my porch swing. Life is good.
I can’t believe how long it’s been since I have posted! I am finally feeling like my old feisty self again and I am so grateful. I ended up missing another full week of week due to the pleurisy and I found out I had also cracked a rib from coughing so much. That is crazy but the pain was very real. I went to Boca Raton for a work conference and pretty much stayed on pain killers the whole time. I am thankful that I could take the minimal dose and be able to attend all the seminars. I learned alot about my new job and position and am excited about it. I did get a break for a few hours and got to sit on the beach. It was awesome! I haven’t been to the beach in about 3 or 4 years and to just sit there and breathe in the air and listen to the waves crashing was very soothing. I really need to try to take a vacation every year and hit the beach even if only for a few days. I have been so busy taking mission trips all over the world instead of my vacation and I am feeling it. I need to be able to balance both.
I need to start my fundraising soon for my September trip to Uganda, Africa too. I feel like I lost the last month and I need to catch up. I checked all my papers and for the first time in about 4 years, I will not have to get any immunizations. This is great because each year it costs me betweem $150-$300 for all my shots. I am good to go for another couple years!
Yesterday I spent some time with the family which is always good. My 7 yr old niece had her first soccer game. The kids are so cute at that age and they looked confused most of the game! My niece runs like a gazelle but she is not aggressive at all and wouldn’t take the ball away from the other team. Then right after the game, had to rush home for my 5 yr old nephews birthday party. We played all day and it was so gorgeous outside. My 2 1/2 year old niece kept asking me, “pick me up Auntie Rachel” but I couldn’t because of my rib. I tried and it was a bad idea! But her little face looking up at me pleading with me was more than I could bear. Then she had the nerve to go up to grandma and ask her to pick her up and say, “gramma, you don’t have a boo boo, pick me up.”
Well, I need to get ready for church and I can’t wait to worship! I missed the last 2 weeks and I feel like I just need to be around God’s people.
And it looks like mine is one of sickness! I just got over the flu and missed an entire week of work not to mention my life but can’t seem to kick this horrible cough. This past weekend I was in so much pain and felt like I was being stabbed in my chest and lungs every time I moved or coughed. I went into work on Monday and was in so much pain that I left and went to the emergency room. They checked my heart which is fine and took chest xrays and told me I have pleurisy. Pleurisy is inflammation of the pleura, which is the lining of the lungs, and every time I take a deep breath, cough, talk or move around, it causes excruciating pain. It feels like I am being stabbed in my chest and upper left lung. I am so grateful it’s only in one of my lungs because I don’t think I could handle having the pain in both. They gave me an anti-inflammatory and cough medicine loaded with pain killers. Not the codeine kind but the mega, knock you on your butt pain meds. It really helps to control the cough which is awesome because that’s when it hurts the worse. It makes me dizzy though and I am not supposed to drive while taking it so I am not sure how much pain I will be in tomorrow when I attempt to go back to work.
I miss blogging and hopefully will be back on track with it once I get 100% well. I am going to Boca Raton, Florida next week for a work related conference and I am looking forward to it. I get several hours one of the days for free time and will be haning out at the pool. I hope I don’t scare anyone away with my ghostly white legs!
What a way to wake up, thinking about my Lord’s resurrection day. I read through all 4 Gospel accounts of the Resurrection and I wanted to share some of my ponderings as I like to call them. Not the usual stuff you read or hear about on Easter Sunday but my weird thought process. When I read through the Bible, I sometimes try to picture myself in the story. Like what would I do if Jesus just looked me in the eye and said that? Would I have responded to a situation a certain way? What if I was there at that place, how would I act? What if I saw Jesus healing a leper? What if I was sitting on the hillside that day listening to Jesus and got passed some bread and fish? Is it just me or do you ever think like that too? I know it’s kind of weird, but hey, it’s my blog and I can be weird if I want to!
What I really was thinking about as I read this morning was Mary Magdalene. So much had been incorrectly portrayed about this woman. The only thing the Bible says about her was that Jesus drove 7 demons out of her. One of the many misconceptions about her was that she was a prostitute. Nowhere does it say that although I can understand that being controlled by 7 demons could most certainly cause her to be one. I am sure she had many issues and did some pretty crazy things under their control. My point is not to argue about what she was or wasn’t, my point is that I am so grateful that Jesus loves the messed up Mary’s of the world! I am one! Imagine living a life full of shame, despair, hopelessness, being an outcast and who knows what else having 7 demons in you entails but then one day… one day you are walking along and someone calls your name, maybe he even touched her hand, I don’t know, I can only imagine. She looks up with her hair all wild around her face and filthy and He looks her in the eye and casts out the demons from her. Can you imagine what she felt at that instant? I compare it to the day I cried out to God to come and save me while I was lying down on my face on the floor. I couldn’t go on anymore. I couldn’t continue to drink myself to death. He touched me that day, just as I imagined He touched Mary and He said, come child, you are forgiven. I have been waiting for you. I have loved you with an everlasting love. I know the plans I have for you. My precious, precious princess. Wowee!
I know I am rambling but I just love my Lord and I know Mary did too. To think that Jesus could have appeared to anyone but out of all the people in the world, He chose Mary. Chose her! Not Peter or John or James but her. Boggles the mind. Jesus has such a special place in His heart for the Mary’s of the world. I like to think that anyways. Some days I just can’t imagine where my life would have ended up if He didn’t come when I cried out to Him 6 & 1/2 years ago. I probably wouldn’t be alive right now. I will never know and I am so grateful that I did.
What started with a few aches and chills last Friday night turned into the flu. I can’t believe an entire week has gone by and I only have vague memories of the latter part of it. I developed a high fever that lasted 4 days and finally had the strength to stick myself in a cool bath which ended up breaking the fever. I don’t recommend doing that to yourself especially if you haven’t eaten in 4 days and can’t even remember your name. I thought for sure I would faint and end up drowning myself and my only thought was, “oh my gosh, look at my legs! Note to self, shave legs in winter too!” The one positive thing about being so sick is the forced weight loss. Between not being able to eat and coughing all day and night, I think my abs are getting tight again.
Well, I feel like I have so much to write but am still very weak and exhausted. My head feels like it’s going to explode from all the coughing and it hurts to think so I will take a nap now. That’s another good thing about being sick, you get to take naps and eat cool stuff like strawberry jello and applesauce and drink blue gatorade.
I have been too busy to write which is not a good thing! I started my new job and absolutely love it! At my last job, my main function was administrative and in my new one, I get to talk to people and help them all day. How incredibly fun and cool is that?
Several people in my office were really sick last night and I caught whatever they had. Friday night I came home and got the chills and my body felt really sore. I spent yesterday on the couch and will today too. It’s in my chest which is a horrible thing for me since I have allergic asthma. I am praying that it won’t go to my lungs and I won’t need to go to a doctor because I won’t have insurance for another month.
I need to get back to writing about my devotions because the Lord has been doing amazing things in my life. The last few months have been one of the most trying times in my life but I am so grateful that I have the Lord and good friends to get me through it.
It’s so funny how time whizzes by. Today was my first day at my new job and it was exciting. I used to work at the same company 4 years ago so it was cool to feel like I was back home and see so many old friends. I forgot what’s it like to work in the professional field and I felt like a little girl in a grown up suit! Everyone there looks so polished and I feel so frumpy! I am not too concerned with my hair and make up and accessories but it seemed like everyone was dressed so perfectly. I am going to a conference in Boca Raton in April (I know, don’t pity me!) and I found out that there will be a very formal awards banquet and dinner our last night there. When I asked what type of clothes I should bring I was told I needed a fancy dress like a cocktail dress. Oh mylanta! My first thought was “I gotta wear pantyhose???” I hate pantyhose like I hate lipstick! I don’t even own any! The things I have to endure! It will actually be fun to get all dressed up. I will be meeting lots of people and networking the whole time there. How fun!
I feel like a teenager again because of all the drama I have had this week. I won’t go into it all here but praise the Lord it’s Friday and I start my new job Monday. One of the things I had to deal with was having an emergency root canal on Wednesday. I went in to have a temporary filling taken care of and the dentist x-rayed it and said I had a massive infection in it because my tooth was cracked and I needed a root canal. I have cracked several of my teeth grinding them at night. Since I don’t insurance yet, it cost me $1500. I tell you, get one thing paid off and something else pops up. For a split second, I thought maybe I shouldn’t go to Africa this year but then I thought that just because our circumstances change, doesn’t mean God’s will has. I will push through it and have faith that I will be able to raise all the funds to go.
Enough complaining though. I am babysitting my 2 nieces and 2 nephews tonight while my brother takes his lovely wife to a bed and breakfast in Lancaster, PA. They have not been away without the kids in the 10 years they have been married so I found them a nice little romantic place and told them I would sleep over and watch the kids so they could go away. It was funny because I thought my brother would argue with me about going and when I asked him, he said ok, he didn’t even think about it. It is going to be awesome for them. Pray for me though! The kids are 9, 7, 5 and 2 1/2. The youngest one is a smart, sassy cookie and she is into everything! She likes to drop things into the toaster and down the toilet. The hard thing is listening to them all talking to me at the same time. I will have to find something fun for us to do. They are all very artsy and talented so I may go to the craft store to get us all a project. I think we will make something for mom and dad.
How sad, I don’t even get to go work my last day because the offices are closed due to the ice storm. That means I have to drive down and clean out the rest of my office tomorrow. No Starbucks Friday for me
I can’t believe that today is the last time I will walk through the doors at church and go up to my office. I have so many mixed emotions. It’s almost surreal, like it’s not really happening. Yesterday I told my Thursday morning Bible study ladies’ that I wouldn’t be teaching the class anymore and I think out of everything, I will miss it the most. I have done it for so long and absolutely love these women and to watch them fall in love with the Lord has been an incredible blessing.
After my Bible study, my team (adult ministries) has devotions and yesterday when I went into the prayer room to join them, they had cake for me and then they all prayed over me. It was an incredible blessing and their prayers confirmed what’s in my heart. I guess after 4 years of listening to my obsession with missions, they all realize it is my heart! It is faith building to hear people tell you they know you will change the world. I say that all the time and I know some people have thought, well that’s prideful statement but with my Lord, I am going to change the world. Isn ‘t that what we are supposed to do?
I am excited about embarking on my new adventure. Although I will be going to work for a Christian owned company, I will have alot more opportunities to share my faith with other people and clients. I was talking to someone at the company last week and she asked me a question that I thought was funny. She said, “you’re one of those evangelistic types, aren’t you?” Well, by golly I guess I am!
I took next week off and I am looking forward to some R & R. I am feeling burned out and need some sabbath time alone with the Lord. I should go away somewhere close like the mountains or something but I don’t even have the energy to plan it!
Well, I guess I need to get ready to go to work. I hope I don’t cry too much today! This will be the last day me and Courtney (aka, foo foo skippy) get to make our “Starbucks Friday” run together. I am sad that this chapter of my life is coming to a close but excited because a new one is beginning.
I am so excited!!! I think I will be going to Uganda, Africa in September and I am about to bounce off the walls! The focus of the trip is to do evangelism in the bush and I can’t wait. Please join me in prayer to make sure this is the one the Lord wants me to go on. I have read alot about Uganda and it breaks my heart to see the devastation there. You can read about it on Invisible Children. Will keep you posted…
It never ceases to amaze me how everything we do or don’t do is an act of our will. We make choices, many choices, each and every day. Will I go here or there? Will I do this or that? Will I eat this or that? Will I call so and so or am I too busy? Yada, yada, yada and on it goes. I posted a few days ago about how the choices we make today will affect our future.
I was doing my Bible study this morning and one of the questions asked was, describe a time when you cooperated with God by denying your will and following His. Well, that’s easy for me because most times I feel like I am following my own will so when I do listen to the Lord, things happen and I remember! I have been looking to change careers for awhile now and about 6 or 7 months ago I was interviewing with a large company I used to work at before. I worked there for 15 years and knew that I could go back and make a lot more money. The downside was that I would be working longer hours, nights, weekends and all holidays. The upside would be more money and no debt. We’re talking about a lot more money. Anyone who knows me knows that money is not a motivator for me at all, I know it sounds weird but it’s true. However, I am a missions addict and you can’t travel the world without it! Long story short, I knew the Lord did not want me to go back to this company and after arguing with Him, I relented. (He always wins!)
Well, shortly thereafter my name came up at another company I used to work for and they contacted me asking if I was still looking for a new job. It is so amazing that this offer is right up my alley. I will be able to use my administrative gifts and my gift of gab (yes, it is a gift) and be able to be more of a witness to the outside world. I am so excited about this opportunity and had I jumped at the first offer, I would not have received this one.
Waiting on the Lord can seem so hard sometimes, believe me I know. It seems like most of my life is spent waiting on something or for something. I find that if I wait patiently, He will give me the desires of my heart. I trust Him to do what He says He will do and I know that He desires to reward those who earnestly seek Him. It’s not about the reward though, it’s about seeking Him and His will and drawing near to Him. I love my Lord so much and can’t believe how much He loves me.
